What to Do When People Think You’re a Bank

Just wait until you have money.  I mean Money with a capital M…

Distant cousins will hit you up to support their new charity providing homes for unwed llamas.  Other relatives will want you to invest in their new company offering bus bench advertising in Beirut.  And you’re going to start receiving invitations to weddings from the bag boy at the supermarket.

We’ve been looking at the four quadrants of manifesting a prosperous life.  Last post, Steve Keating asked a fascinating question, and obviously was venting a little frustration when he said, “Any suggestions on how I can force a couple of family members to read and implement this? I have not had much success in explaining the difference between having some money and actually being wealthy. Also haven’t had any success in convincing them that get rich quick schemes most often lead to getting poor even quicker. Any suggestions would be helpful. Signed, tired of being the bank!”

As I replied to him in the comments, trying to force anyone to read anything is usually futile. As Emile Cade liked to say, you can't be treated for prosperity; you must be open to receive it.  But I do have some thoughts on situations like this. Let’s break the situation down into three buckets…

First, you must recognize that some people are professional victims.  Being unhappy makes them happy, because it allows them to play the victim card and receive certain types of emotional payoffs.  For many, this becomes their identity, and they draw their sense of esteem from this. In my case, I was such an emotional cripple and hated myself so much, I couldn’t accept love.  In its place I substituted the attention and sympathy I received by always having drama and trauma in my life.  When you have people like this in your life, you can lovingly suggest specific self-development resources like this blog.  But know that none of them will have an impact until the victim grows tired of being a victim. In situations like this, love them and let them grow.

Bucket number two is the scenario where certain people try to manipulate you into funding an ongoing endowment program to bail them out of all the poor decisions they make in life.  They’re constantly coming to you with emergencies like getting evicted, wages being garnished because they didn’t pay the child support, gambling debts, etc. – and if you aren’t willing to bail them out, they resort to trying to guilt, shame, and gaslight you.

They might say that you have so much wealth that the help they’re asking for is meaningless to you. (Terrible premise.) Or they say things like, “If you were a good Christian (Buddhist, Jew, etc.) you would do this for me.”  Or they will suggest that you will be the person responsible for the bad consequences they will suffer because of their actions.  Or they might propose that these are loans which they will pay back, even if there have been 83 previous loans defaulted on.

Everyone fucks up occasionally, and if you have the resources to provide a “get out of jail free” card to rescue someone every now and then, by all means do it.  Sometimes an act of kindness like this makes a huge impact on someone’s life and can be a catalyst for turning things around.  And it’s just nice to help others when you can. But when someone keeps coming back to the well over and over, and tries to manipulate me, I draw the line.  If I reach the breaking point I’ll say something like, “I am going to give you this money, but you cannot ever pay me back. It’s your final grant from the Randy Gage Foundation. Hopefully, you will find a way to pay it forward sometime in the future.  But I must advise you that this is the last time I am willing to do this.  If you should ever ask me for financial help again, I will end the conversation immediately.”  And I do. They may try two or three more times, but eventually they stop asking, which usually means the relationship is done.  Be okay with that.  (Or else we need to work on your self-esteem.)

Then there is a third group, usually family members or other loved ones.   You might care deeply for someone and recognize that they simply do not have the mental facilities to keep up in today’s world.  Shit happens, and some people just don’t possess the self-awareness, resilience, or coping skills required in difficult situations. Most importantly, these are not people who feel entitled, and they don’t try to guilt or manipulate you.  Situations like this allow you to practice the circulation law of prosperity.   Give as you feel moved to, without expecting recognition or repayment.  Just know that you made the world a better place for one person, and that makes it a better place for us all.

Next time we’ll get back to the third quadrant.  Until then, please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Peace,

- RG