Interesting phenomenon I have noticed. Many enlightened people subscribe to the “positive mental attitude” school of thought about having prosperity consciousness. Great, nothing wrong with that. But I notice that they really struggle when they encounter feelings of sadness or depression. They often feel guilty, and think that they must be failing in their job of being positive. Not true at all.
It is okay to feel sad sometimes. You would be emotionally crippled if you couldn’t.
The worst thing you can do for your mental wellbeing is to try and avoid your honest, real feelings, because you’re trying to be positive. You have to let yourself experience everything you are feeling from sadness to anger, even hate. (And of course everything from happiness to peace and bliss. But that’s not our discussion today.)
If you feel angry about something or at someone, that’s real. You want to then explore in your own mind, why are you feeling that way. (Usually when you are angry at someone, it’s because you see something in them that you hate or are threatened by in yourself.) The anger will pass. Make sure there is a lesson left over for you.
Another dynamic that comes into play as you develop, is you start to better understand what’s really a hill to die on about getting angry. When I was 25, I would get livid when the car in front of me, waited four seconds before moving once the signal turned green. Somebody driving the speed limit in the left lane was enough to have me frothing at the mouth. I agonized at how slow the elevator door took to close, even though I had pushed the “close” button six times.
Of course you can imagine how this played out when I perceived that someone didn’t respect me, disagreed with me, or actually criticized me. The snarky comments I get in this blog that amuse me nowadays, would have set me off to war when I was 30 or 35.
As I have advanced in years, thankfully my perspective has developed as well. You’ve hopefully seen the same kind of evolution as well. As you become wiser, you see the foolishness is getting angry about trivial and trifling things. (And you recognize how many things are trivial and trifling.)
A similar dynamic is in play with feelings of hate. It’s usually about something we dislike intensely within ourselves. Certainly not always. You can (and should) hate the fact that some people molest children, abuse animals, or murder others. To think you would become enlightened by not being angry about things like that seems illogical, even preposterous to me. Of course harboring hate in your heart is like drinking battery acid. It’s important that you find a way to channel that hate constructively and transform it into good somehow.
If your beloved family pet dies, allow yourself to experience that sadness and heartache. If your spouse or family member dies, of course you’re going to grieve and experience great anguish. For a while at least, grief is our reminder of how much we cared and loved someone very special to us.
It’s okay (and necessary) to experience that. That is what makes you a conscious human. Allow that process to unfold and hopefully reach the point when the memories are a blessing to you. But that won’t occur if you don’t allow yourself the necessity of experiencing your true feelings and processing through them. (And getting professional help if necessary, especially for children.)
Please. Allow yourself to feel the whole spectrum of feelings. Because even the ones we think are negative, actually contain many benefits and blessings for us long term. And if you practice many of the other things we discuss on this blog, ultimately you’ll end up with more of the positive, happy feelings. That’s my wish for you.