In yesterday’s post we talked about wheelchairs, braces, medication, therapy, and similar things. I asked you when do we really need them, and when are they actually keeping us sick. Did you really think about that?
Now of course those things all have good uses, and we sometimes need them. But other times, using them can keep us dependant; keep us in victim-hood.
Suppose you discover that like me, you’ve been hanging on to an illness or condition because it gets you attention and affection. You realize this, and vow that tomorrow you are starting out new, fresh and healthy. But then you go to the mall...
And there are those handicapped parking spaces, all close to the store and everything. And you’re holding on to that decal that allows you to park there...
What happens next?
You’ve got a medicine chest full of pain pills, hospital equipment around the house, or books and articles on your condition. If you become what you think about, what will all this stuff do to your consciousness?
If you have a bunch of friends who continually ask how you are and inquire about your condition, what does that do for your consciousness?
Do you see the psychic payoff we can something get from an illness, injury or handicap? And think about this...
How you might do something similar is terms of staying broke, missing a promotion, or mucking up a healthy relationship.
We’ll start exploring that on the next post. Until then, please share your thoughts below.
-RG
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I've realised I've been owning a shin injury, or its been owning me. It provides me with the luxury of not having to exercise too much because I'll "aggrevate it"
I have been affirming to myself i dont enjoy distance running, and guess what aggrevates it the most!!
Regards
Ari
illness, staying broke, bad relationships, etc can cause a strong desire to make changes and improve the quality of life.
Randy,
This is another great post. I have subliminaly bought into my stuff by thinking and self talk that affirms lack thinking. You are not the smartest person becareful of what you get into. Those thoughts come back. It also shows me that I fit in with the group.
I go to a church where we speak positive and negative thinking is the sin. I kid sometimes with the older people at the church who live in condos in South Florida. I asked them what do you talk about that ails you around the swimming pool; if you now belong to Unity Church. I can just see someone saying,"I used to have a bad back, but now I am healed". It is like gossip and other things that you can easily find yourself sliding down the slippery slope.
Thanks,
Jim Story
I am waiting to hear about a Volunteer Buyout from my company.
I want to believe & think positive that it will happen for me. They are only picking certain folks and a limited number. I tell myself everyday to focus on the positive...it's hard.
Randy,
This whole subject is about habitual thinking and acting. When we start to pay attention to what we are thinking, we can start to catch the thinking that is causing us to stay in this victim mentality.
But we have to be conscious of the thinking that we are doing. Because if we can't find the root cause of that thinking we can't change the thinking.
I found a thought that rattled around my head for years about relationships, that caused many unhappy relationships. When I finally caught that thought, I was driving at the time and I had to pull over because that thought was just going through my head and I didn't even know it until I caught it.
From that point I was able to change my thinking regarding my relationships and they have been great ever since.
It is truly amazing but you have to be conscious of your thinking patterns. KEY!
Keep up the great work, Randy!
Here's to Your LifetoSuccess,
John Clark
I have read your blog for the first time today. You highlighted and re-iterated what i knew for a long time- Living as a 'victim' keeps us in a perpetual state of lack, unhappiness and poverty.
I have now started to live in a state of 'success concsious'. Whatever i'll be doing from today onwards, I am going to ask myself, ' How would a really succesful, rich and important person behave in this particular situation?'
For example, I get my car gas in small increments, i.e. $5 or $10. I use at least $100/month. So from now on I would get the tank fuelled with $100 gas in one go. It's a small exmaple but very practical in teaching me in develping a success-consciousness.
Hersh
More so than a physical sickness, I have been owning a financial sickness for most of my life due to growing up in a poor Southern town that never believed that it could compete with Atlanta or any other major city. Unfortunately, there are thousands of poor souls still stuck in that small Southern town believing that poverty is their lot in life. Thankfully, my family and I were able to move to Chattanooga, TN a more progressive and positive environment. I still struggle with the sickness, however, I am making progress daily to rid my life of this cancer through many positive people that I now call friends.
Wow Randy you always hit the nail on the head. Thank you so much for sharing.
Welcome, glad you finally got here!
-RG
It's hard??? What are you saying to yourself? Change it to "It's easy"!!!!
I have practising examening my thought and choosen them deliberatly (takes time, but it ain't hard; just a few patterns to break) for the last few years. And last weekend I took my bicycle to the trainstation; a 15 km trip. About 50 metres before I arrived a got a flat and thought: "That's great, that it happens here". Only when I was seated in the train I realized I automaticly had chosen a positive thought. A few years before I would have automaticly have thought: "Aw, shit, I've got a flat, darn, why does this happen to me?"
You can control your reality. You only have to decide to!
great stuff!
thx
g-
"I still struggle with the sickness"
You might try changing that to: "I am grateful that I have gotten the gift of a great challenge that will improve my live immensly". It might not cure you, but you sure as hell will feel better!
I like that ideology.
Ok, so what about those who have lived through a tragedy let's say, then go on the speaking circuit talking about it. I get that the outcome is to inspire and empower listeners to overcome obstacles but is that then a double edged sword?. I have always wondered about that and would love your input Randy.
Excellent question - interested in Randy's answer.
I had an employee years ago who would constantly say " I am so tired". AND SHE WAS !!! It affected everything in her life and she was not about to let it go because she got all kinds of validation from people... "tired" was who she was.
You are ( or will become ) what you think of most
Randy, this is another great post with a good analogy that draws our attention on things that keep us dependant or keep us in victimhood. Thank you, and always appreciate you being there for us. hugs:: -saachi 🙂
>>>How you might do something similar is terms of staying broke ...mucking up a healthy relationship.<<<
Thank you Randy. I start my day with your wonderful messages every day.
I think that it is all about being persistent and keep going. In fact, when you take the decision to change, you find that everything in your life is "helping" you maintain your illness. For instance, people worried about your economical situation or a lot of books with titles about illness. So, it feels like the world is against you instead of trying to help you improve your life...
But this is when you have to remember that everything in your world was created by you! So, stop blaming the Government for your salary and so on. Remember, you bought all those books, you told your mother you needed money, you chose that job and accepted that salary, etc. The good news is... power is in the present moment. So, you chose those things... you can choose new ones from now on 😉
I began this path a couple of days ago, so I still have a lifestyle based on victim-hood. But every time I want to throw away all the effort I put on stand by my own, I remember that this takes time, it is a process. We all have to be patient with ourselves. And keep going.
Once more, thank you Randy 🙂
I admit I take a lot of vitamins, supplements, take a prescription and I am on a very restrictive diet. Is all of this keeping me sick or making me healthier? I've also have been doing this for several years...is it keeping me sick/victim?
I am happy to report... No it is not. My doctor recommended all of the supplements, diet and medication. I did start to doubt spending all the money I had to spend to follow her recommendations...I didn't see immediate results. Actually she said it would take time to heal...and it did. If I stopped following her recommendations...would I have made the progress I have made? I don't think so.
On the other hand, before I went to that doctor, I had others who gave me a different diagnosis & prescriptions. If I didn't get a second opinion & take charge of my health, where would I be?
I've been receiving compliments that I look well...So maybe everything I was doing was telling myself I am healthy.
Randy, you have hit me where it hurts (pun intended) as usual. I have had a "heart condition" for 8 years and was told I would be dead 6 years ago. It has made a great story, great excuse for not doing much all these years. Now when I really want to go somewhere with my life and accomplish my life's goals, I catch myself worrying that if I make too much money, I will lose my SSI$ and then if I fall on my face and my goals don't work out, I won't have it financially. Talk about Lack Mentality!!!
I know in my head that the possibilities are endless and the money would be more than enough but I have conditioned myself subconciously to believe that I am cut out to be at this level.
Kick me, Please!!!!!
If they talk about it as if it was a tragedy, I guess you are right. Those who really understood it will probably talk about it as a gift though. Just read back a couple of days ago where Randy talks about his past addictions. He does not take a victimmentality but simply states the facts.
Ari, I can relate to this.
For me it is my knees, old football injury that I embellish as the years go by.
Here is the deal, you stop affirming your shin and I will stop affirming my knees 🙂
My allergies and limited energy are a result of shutting out my feelings toward a present situation that is taking a long time to change.
My feelings are anger and sadness and I don't want to use my true feelings to create the change, I feel if I did it would be hurtful towards another. But my repressing of them slows down the change and brings a limbo feeling to both our lives.
I don't believe I am using my lack of energy or allergies as an excuse to not do everything I set out to do though. Instead I use my "not wanting to hurt others" as an excuse.
Perhaps the change I can make is to trust that if I let go and someone else falls, that the universe will catch them. And their connection to the universe, or life or God is a better support system than me.
Great question Tony. I want to continue the discussion we started and then get to this within a few days. Please remind me if I forget.
-RG
“I am grateful that I have gotten the gift of a great challenge that will improve my live immensely”.
“I am grateful that I have gotten the gift of a great challenge that will improve my live immensely”.
“I am grateful that I have gotten the gift of a great challenge that will improve my live immensely”.
...say that sentence to yourself, and feel the marvelous positivity that comes from it!
Thanks so much for sharing it with us!
I was watching a repeat of Seinfeld the other day, it was the episode with the handicapped parking spot. I can identify with the displeasure the onlookers showed when they realised that an able person had taken the spot.
I don't have a handicapped parking permit myself so don't have to bother with whether or not I would park in one of the designated spots. I just don't do it.
A read once about plane flights that take-offs are optional but landings are mandatory.
If I can apply that to dependence and letting go...
If we were to "take-off" with an unhealthy or unnecessary dependence, we would eventually have to "land".
Finding our way to a suitable landing spot would be a good idea first the take it down easy, don't just dump it on the runway, or anywhere else for that matter.
Once in the yoga-ashram I lived in one of the teachers mirrored my behaviour. She made a short statement putting her hand forward as if being me greeting, while she said: "Hi I am Pierre Leyssac, I have a bad back". It was very illustrative, and I got it! It showed my identifacation with a physical condition. I would start a conversation with a stranger and give my trauma share. And it would give me the wanted attention, but not attract a winning relationship. The bad back condition itself in the first place most likely manifested to communicate something.
Now for a choice of which line of career to unfold I avoid the therapeutic, and healer ones as I have that what is found in these spectrums mostly deals with concerns of the individual, thus doesn't have the capacity for cultural change. But there is something hidden in that avoidance. Could it be that to deal with leadership the way you do Randy, does have healing implications for those who participate? We are not living in an either or world, but in an as well world.
It's now 16 years since the above mentioned insight was transferred, I practice yoga in all of the aspects of that tradition and also give lectures in it, and I do Fitness to exercise muscles, but I still havn't attained perfect back health. I wonder what psychic pay-offs I am getting from it. One excuse is work or more precisely job: if only I had more time practising. Do you see how this works? I am doing it right now. Enrolling you and everyone in the community reading in this soap opera of me and my back. Maybee I should just give it all up and just live life. Is this more of the avoidance?
Love and Respect
Pierre, Copenhagen
Yes, there is always some goodness in every toughness!
I also take lots of vits and supplements---my health has improved 200% from where I was and I feel great......It depends on how you really feel about taking the supplements and doing some sort of diet----there have been times in my life when I wasn't feeling good at all, started taking lots of supplements, etc., went into the supplements hopeful, but then developed a "oh I'm really sick of taking all these pills" attitude---I never really got 100% better.....now, my attitude is I'm healthy now and the supplements are an "adventure"......I say--"I love taking them, I don't NEED them, but I WANT to for the possibilities"....there are days when I don't feel like taking them, and it feels good knowing I don't NEED them.....
(and I never think of how much they cost, because that would be lackful thinking--smile---the Universe sends me everything I need)......
Prosperity TV
I've realised I've been owning a shin injury, or its been owning me. It provides me with the luxury of not having to exercise too much because I'll "aggrevate it"
I have been affirming to myself i dont enjoy distance running, and guess what aggrevates it the most!!
Regards
Ari
illness, staying broke, bad relationships, etc can cause a strong desire to make changes and improve the quality of life.
Randy,
This is another great post. I have subliminaly bought into my stuff by thinking and self talk that affirms lack thinking. You are not the smartest person becareful of what you get into. Those thoughts come back. It also shows me that I fit in with the group.
I go to a church where we speak positive and negative thinking is the sin. I kid sometimes with the older people at the church who live in condos in South Florida. I asked them what do you talk about that ails you around the swimming pool; if you now belong to Unity Church. I can just see someone saying,"I used to have a bad back, but now I am healed". It is like gossip and other things that you can easily find yourself sliding down the slippery slope.
Thanks,
Jim Story
I am waiting to hear about a Volunteer Buyout from my company.
I want to believe & think positive that it will happen for me. They are only picking certain folks and a limited number. I tell myself everyday to focus on the positive...it's hard.
Randy,
This whole subject is about habitual thinking and acting. When we start to pay attention to what we are thinking, we can start to catch the thinking that is causing us to stay in this victim mentality.
But we have to be conscious of the thinking that we are doing. Because if we can't find the root cause of that thinking we can't change the thinking.
I found a thought that rattled around my head for years about relationships, that caused many unhappy relationships. When I finally caught that thought, I was driving at the time and I had to pull over because that thought was just going through my head and I didn't even know it until I caught it.
From that point I was able to change my thinking regarding my relationships and they have been great ever since.
It is truly amazing but you have to be conscious of your thinking patterns. KEY!
Keep up the great work, Randy!
Here's to Your LifetoSuccess,
John Clark
I have read your blog for the first time today. You highlighted and re-iterated what i knew for a long time- Living as a 'victim' keeps us in a perpetual state of lack, unhappiness and poverty.
I have now started to live in a state of 'success concsious'. Whatever i'll be doing from today onwards, I am going to ask myself, ' How would a really succesful, rich and important person behave in this particular situation?'
For example, I get my car gas in small increments, i.e. $5 or $10. I use at least $100/month. So from now on I would get the tank fuelled with $100 gas in one go. It's a small exmaple but very practical in teaching me in develping a success-consciousness.
Hersh
More so than a physical sickness, I have been owning a financial sickness for most of my life due to growing up in a poor Southern town that never believed that it could compete with Atlanta or any other major city. Unfortunately, there are thousands of poor souls still stuck in that small Southern town believing that poverty is their lot in life. Thankfully, my family and I were able to move to Chattanooga, TN a more progressive and positive environment. I still struggle with the sickness, however, I am making progress daily to rid my life of this cancer through many positive people that I now call friends.
Wow Randy you always hit the nail on the head. Thank you so much for sharing.
Welcome, glad you finally got here!
-RG
It's hard??? What are you saying to yourself? Change it to "It's easy"!!!!
I have practising examening my thought and choosen them deliberatly (takes time, but it ain't hard; just a few patterns to break) for the last few years. And last weekend I took my bicycle to the trainstation; a 15 km trip. About 50 metres before I arrived a got a flat and thought: "That's great, that it happens here". Only when I was seated in the train I realized I automaticly had chosen a positive thought. A few years before I would have automaticly have thought: "Aw, shit, I've got a flat, darn, why does this happen to me?"
You can control your reality. You only have to decide to!
great stuff!
thx
g-
"I still struggle with the sickness"
You might try changing that to: "I am grateful that I have gotten the gift of a great challenge that will improve my live immensly". It might not cure you, but you sure as hell will feel better!
I like that ideology.
Ok, so what about those who have lived through a tragedy let's say, then go on the speaking circuit talking about it. I get that the outcome is to inspire and empower listeners to overcome obstacles but is that then a double edged sword?. I have always wondered about that and would love your input Randy.
Excellent question - interested in Randy's answer.
I had an employee years ago who would constantly say " I am so tired". AND SHE WAS !!! It affected everything in her life and she was not about to let it go because she got all kinds of validation from people... "tired" was who she was.
You are ( or will become ) what you think of most
Randy, this is another great post with a good analogy that draws our attention on things that keep us dependant or keep us in victimhood. Thank you, and always appreciate you being there for us. hugs:: -saachi 🙂
>>>How you might do something similar is terms of staying broke ...mucking up a healthy relationship.<<<
Thank you Randy. I start my day with your wonderful messages every day.
I think that it is all about being persistent and keep going. In fact, when you take the decision to change, you find that everything in your life is "helping" you maintain your illness. For instance, people worried about your economical situation or a lot of books with titles about illness. So, it feels like the world is against you instead of trying to help you improve your life...
But this is when you have to remember that everything in your world was created by you! So, stop blaming the Government for your salary and so on. Remember, you bought all those books, you told your mother you needed money, you chose that job and accepted that salary, etc. The good news is... power is in the present moment. So, you chose those things... you can choose new ones from now on 😉
I began this path a couple of days ago, so I still have a lifestyle based on victim-hood. But every time I want to throw away all the effort I put on stand by my own, I remember that this takes time, it is a process. We all have to be patient with ourselves. And keep going.
Once more, thank you Randy 🙂
I admit I take a lot of vitamins, supplements, take a prescription and I am on a very restrictive diet. Is all of this keeping me sick or making me healthier? I've also have been doing this for several years...is it keeping me sick/victim?
I am happy to report... No it is not. My doctor recommended all of the supplements, diet and medication. I did start to doubt spending all the money I had to spend to follow her recommendations...I didn't see immediate results. Actually she said it would take time to heal...and it did. If I stopped following her recommendations...would I have made the progress I have made? I don't think so.
On the other hand, before I went to that doctor, I had others who gave me a different diagnosis & prescriptions. If I didn't get a second opinion & take charge of my health, where would I be?
I've been receiving compliments that I look well...So maybe everything I was doing was telling myself I am healthy.
Randy, you have hit me where it hurts (pun intended) as usual. I have had a "heart condition" for 8 years and was told I would be dead 6 years ago. It has made a great story, great excuse for not doing much all these years. Now when I really want to go somewhere with my life and accomplish my life's goals, I catch myself worrying that if I make too much money, I will lose my SSI$ and then if I fall on my face and my goals don't work out, I won't have it financially. Talk about Lack Mentality!!!
I know in my head that the possibilities are endless and the money would be more than enough but I have conditioned myself subconciously to believe that I am cut out to be at this level.
Kick me, Please!!!!!
If they talk about it as if it was a tragedy, I guess you are right. Those who really understood it will probably talk about it as a gift though. Just read back a couple of days ago where Randy talks about his past addictions. He does not take a victimmentality but simply states the facts.
Ari, I can relate to this.
For me it is my knees, old football injury that I embellish as the years go by.
Here is the deal, you stop affirming your shin and I will stop affirming my knees 🙂
My allergies and limited energy are a result of shutting out my feelings toward a present situation that is taking a long time to change.
My feelings are anger and sadness and I don't want to use my true feelings to create the change, I feel if I did it would be hurtful towards another. But my repressing of them slows down the change and brings a limbo feeling to both our lives.
I don't believe I am using my lack of energy or allergies as an excuse to not do everything I set out to do though. Instead I use my "not wanting to hurt others" as an excuse.
Perhaps the change I can make is to trust that if I let go and someone else falls, that the universe will catch them. And their connection to the universe, or life or God is a better support system than me.
Great question Tony. I want to continue the discussion we started and then get to this within a few days. Please remind me if I forget.
-RG
“I am grateful that I have gotten the gift of a great challenge that will improve my live immensely”.
“I am grateful that I have gotten the gift of a great challenge that will improve my live immensely”.
“I am grateful that I have gotten the gift of a great challenge that will improve my live immensely”.
...say that sentence to yourself, and feel the marvelous positivity that comes from it!
Thanks so much for sharing it with us!
I was watching a repeat of Seinfeld the other day, it was the episode with the handicapped parking spot. I can identify with the displeasure the onlookers showed when they realised that an able person had taken the spot.
I don't have a handicapped parking permit myself so don't have to bother with whether or not I would park in one of the designated spots. I just don't do it.
A read once about plane flights that take-offs are optional but landings are mandatory.
If I can apply that to dependence and letting go...
If we were to "take-off" with an unhealthy or unnecessary dependence, we would eventually have to "land".
Finding our way to a suitable landing spot would be a good idea first the take it down easy, don't just dump it on the runway, or anywhere else for that matter.
Once in the yoga-ashram I lived in one of the teachers mirrored my behaviour. She made a short statement putting her hand forward as if being me greeting, while she said: "Hi I am Pierre Leyssac, I have a bad back". It was very illustrative, and I got it! It showed my identifacation with a physical condition. I would start a conversation with a stranger and give my trauma share. And it would give me the wanted attention, but not attract a winning relationship. The bad back condition itself in the first place most likely manifested to communicate something.
Now for a choice of which line of career to unfold I avoid the therapeutic, and healer ones as I have that what is found in these spectrums mostly deals with concerns of the individual, thus doesn't have the capacity for cultural change. But there is something hidden in that avoidance. Could it be that to deal with leadership the way you do Randy, does have healing implications for those who participate? We are not living in an either or world, but in an as well world.
It's now 16 years since the above mentioned insight was transferred, I practice yoga in all of the aspects of that tradition and also give lectures in it, and I do Fitness to exercise muscles, but I still havn't attained perfect back health. I wonder what psychic pay-offs I am getting from it. One excuse is work or more precisely job: if only I had more time practising. Do you see how this works? I am doing it right now. Enrolling you and everyone in the community reading in this soap opera of me and my back. Maybee I should just give it all up and just live life. Is this more of the avoidance?
Love and Respect
Pierre, Copenhagen
Yes, there is always some goodness in every toughness!
I also take lots of vits and supplements---my health has improved 200% from where I was and I feel great......It depends on how you really feel about taking the supplements and doing some sort of diet----there have been times in my life when I wasn't feeling good at all, started taking lots of supplements, etc., went into the supplements hopeful, but then developed a "oh I'm really sick of taking all these pills" attitude---I never really got 100% better.....now, my attitude is I'm healthy now and the supplements are an "adventure"......I say--"I love taking them, I don't NEED them, but I WANT to for the possibilities"....there are days when I don't feel like taking them, and it feels good knowing I don't NEED them.....
(and I never think of how much they cost, because that would be lackful thinking--smile---the Universe sends me everything I need)......