Prosperity TVVery well stated. Jeremy and his ilk are energy and creativity vampires. The only strategy is to either isolate them or move on. Another profound Randy Gage tool for the arsenal. Thank you.
I resigned from a committee, because “Jeremy” kept trying to work his rackets on me. Let’s talk more about what that looks like, and how you protect yourself from it.
The first clue was that he kept interrupting everything I said. When someone does that, you know that they really have no respect for anything you are saying. Period.
You can point it out to them, and you can ask them to stop. Often they will protest that they are really listening. Don’t get sucked in. Unless someone closes their mouth and looks at you while you are speaking, they have no regard for what you say. And doing any interaction with people with no regard and respect for your opinions is pretty silly, don’t you think?
The other thing to watch for is a moving target. First they attack something you do or propose. Usually they use hot button emotions to do this. You respond and validate your position. They interrupt you and say something like, “But what about…”
What they are doing is changing the subject. They do this because they realize that they are wrong and you were revealing the flaw in their thinking. But instead of acknowledging that, or gasp – admitting it – they move the target and attack you with something else.
The other thing to watch for – and this is always the giveaway – is the absence of logic and reason. They simply can’t follow a linear discussion.
In my conversation with Jeremy he attacked my budget by making all these melodramatic pronouncements about how he was the treasurer and just protecting the interests of the league members. I refuted this logic – or more correctly the lack of it – by reminding him that I had a budget, and was within it. Next, he came back with a rant about how when he was running for treasurer, some woman said bad things about him and one other Board member was campaigning for his opponent. This is the bait…
Most people would get drawn into that. They would try to justify the behavior of others or dispute the validity of what he said. I know better, and simply said, “That’s fascinating, you may want to discuss this with a therapist. But it's not relevant to the topic we’re discussing.”
“But it’s relevant to accountability,” he replied.
“Actually, no it is not. And it still has nothing to do with the topic at hand.”
I could go on and regale you with many examples of the ludicrous exchanges we had, but I’m sure you get the point. He constantly used these emotional baiting techniques that were designed to make me feel guilty, feel sorry for him, or throw me off the track of the conversation.
What these people fear more than anything else is logic. Because their behavior and tactics are all emotional, irrational and crazy. And you can never win with them...
So when you are in those situations, you have to do what I did. Walk away. And don’t be afraid to tell them why.
I was quite clear to Jeremy that I wasn’t willing to talk to someone who interrupts me constantly. I also told him that he was not capable of following a rational discussion and was using manipulative techniques that I found insulting. Furthermore I told him that he was inflaming the situation to satisfy his addiction for drama in his life. And I was gone…
Via con Dios baby. Go with God, just go!
My rules are simple: You must communicate with me with respect. You must tell the truth. You must not insult my attention with rackets, NLP, or other manipulative techniques. And you must be able to hold a rational discussion and separate logic from blind emotion. If you can’t do these things, we can’t talk.
This is a boundary I set for myself. And you must do the same. If you want to move up with your career and your life, you have to stop getting sucked in by crazy people. Create your own boundaries, and then stick to them. You’ll be glad you did!
-RG
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Very well stated. Jeremy and his ilk are energy and creativity vampires. The only strategy is to either isolate them or move on. Another profound Randy Gage tool for the arsenal. Thank you.
Nice job Randy!
I was recently reading about how to deal with people in those circumstances in the book "The Celestine Prophecy" (one of the series - forget which one)...and your example just gave me a solid way in which to actually use it in real life.
Great stuff!
Jeremy Reeves
http://www.ControlBeatingCopy.com
Yes I have learned the hard way about boundaries because I am a "people person" and have ran my businesses with "customer service" as a top priority, however, my life coach showed me that my boundaries were weak and I was allowing my clients to take advantage of my kindness. I have begun to set boundaries both in my marriage as well as my professional relationships and it feels great to walk away from no-win situations and to say "no" when I just do not have the time to committ to an activity. Randy, great post and keep getting the word out!
Thank you Randy for confirming something that I saw for myself dealing with someone I know. The person I dealt with could be "Jeremy's' twin! 🙁
Now, I just hear what he says and watch what he does. A walking billboard for hypocrisy. I reframe his behavior and remind myself what not to do.
Even if they are ???holes, you still can learn a lot from them!
Thanks for the tip!
"Ilk" That's going to be the word for the day!
-RG
Great post. These types are such wasters of time and energy. I was once told something to help clarify what I need to do in any situation:-
- Accept it
- Change it or
- Leave it
When the first two don't work, you have to just walk.
Keep 'em coming Randy.
Many Blessings
Thanks Randy because this is right on time for me. At my day job, I am surrounded by people who complain about how bad work is but do not want to discuss rational solutions to the problem. I just refuse to talk about the problems when they start bitchin so they stop or move to someone who will listen.
I like that - simple and easy to apply
We discuss the Jeremy's of this world alot...have you ever been or are you now the Jeremy in someone else's life?
That's the main reason i follow you.
Good Caracter that position!!
-GJ
OOOOOO!
So awesome Randy. Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you again for all the wisdom that you share.
Now here's a dose of reality. Tried to deal with this type (which happens to be my boss and the owner) for 6 years but haven't mastered it or found a new job. Have no idea what it is I am manifesting to keep me in this mess... But this post reminded me to point my attentions elsewhere since they tend to be drawn back into the emotional manipulation mess daily. BE STRONG!
Randy,
Exellent post. I think we all have a few Jeremy's in our life. The need to be right always with no accountability.
Thanks,
Jim Story
PS. Did you go to Landmark..Racquets?
Does “Jeremy” have a worthiness issue that he is not aware of or ready to acknowledge? Is he trying to be heard because he thinks he needs to prove he is "good enough"?
I think sometimes our egos get in our way and limit us. Not realizing issues from our past, possibly from childhood, hurt us. It may be his way of trying to cover his insecurities.
People are capable of changing but they need to be aware that they need to change and willing to get out of their comfort zone to change.
I think sometimes we need to find the right approach with people to meet them where they are.
For example, I know someone who dislikes the authors Napoleon Hill, Catherine Ponder, Charles Fillmore and Randy Gage... so I try to find different authors with the same message that are acceptable to that person (James Allen, John Maxwell and Chip Ingram). I also have found that Beth Moore is accepted by a lot of women that I know.
What an excellent post. I found it through @BobBurg on Twitter. I can relate, the irrational person I had to deal with was my immediate supervisor. I felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride, never knowing if I would be climbing up or zipping down from day to day. I finally left and never looked back. Best thing I ever did 🙂
omg- i am not TOTALLY this person, but I certainly see myself in certain elements of the Crazy you have described. YIKES. Ok... focus... something to work on. Wow. Hit me between the eyes with that one.
Maybe Jeremy should have become a politian. I learned from my own experience you can't argue or win with these people. Just walk away.
I meant to write polititian. Sorry.
I call them 'crazymakers'.
Once I started healing my thoughts, and learning about my worth, I could actually 'find' these people in my life. Before working on myself, i'm sure I was one of them.
Now I can see them, and move away from them. I know I can't change them, but I can control how little I am around them.
Needless to say, I've lost a few 'friends' because of it, but I discovered I was just enabling their behaviors anyway, and that it wasn't much of a friendship to begin with. Not the one that I strive for these days.
Thanks. 😉
With Gratitude,
Jhanna Dawson
In the last couple years I have eliminated many from my daily and weekly interactions. There are only 24 hours in the day and I have discovered that the 'Jeremy Group' can ruin an entire day if you let them. With a half dozen in your life weeks can become totally unmanageable. I wish I could help everyone. I can't and it is impossible if there is no me left at the end of the day.
Thanks for the story Randy. You put the issue in a clearer perspective. I have a habit of always wanting to either prove myself right and / or win them over to my way of thinking or opinions. I have been trying more lately though to "pick my battles". You're right though in just needing to walk away when you are dealing with a "Jeremy" and don't waste precious time.
RJ
A classic tale, Randy. I find it really frustrating when people try to substitute emotional manipulation for emotional intelligence + reason. I suspect that this is rarely intentional or malicious, but based in blind ego and insecurity. As a previous commenter (David) pointed out, I need to be vigilant in keeping my own side of the street clean. If I can stay focused and correct my own actions when necessary, that helps to defuse a lot of potential stalemates. And indeed, if the person you're dealing with is truly intractable or "crazy", the best policy is to disengage.
Oh, how often have I fallen into this trap. You have opened my eyes! Thanks.
No never did that but know a lot of people that did and liked it a lot.
-RG
Yes this all stems from worthiness issues and insecurity. And I need the name of that person that dislikes me! 🙂
-RG
But you have to be careful when walking away from people, try not to turn your back on them or you could end up dead in a pool.
Sorry, I watched Sunset Boulevard last night 🙂
Norma was a great manipulator.
You are exactly dead on here.
-RG
I'm laughing - I am a drama QUEEEEEENNNNNNNNN.....
And when I first saw this - I thought you were writing about "Natalie"
I fully admit to being the most high maintenance, challenging, demanding, difficult, time consuming wench in Randy's life! Would you agree, RG?
And yip - all of the above is pretty much how he handles me! Tho it's with a lot of love, a lots of laughter, and a lot of belief in my sanity!
I personally think it's the difference between masculine and feminine style of relating.... But somehow and shocking he won't believe me!!!!
That said I do communicate with respect - albeit rather cheeky sometimes. And I tell the truth - even when it makes me look bad!
Though what I do completely get is that when I am drama filled, it's WAY better to clear it and share what's there so I can get insight into it, than stay silent and the drama eat me up. Randy has a way of seeing things that melts the drama, and allows clarity.
The otherside of the drama is deep care and love.
I am deeply grateful. xox
I just reread this....
And could hear the voice of my kids Head Teacher as I reread it. I just got back from my kids parents evening. He said: "After coming to know you, you are the most self-defacing parent I've ever come to know. IT actually masks the true acknowledgement of who you are."
Interesting.
Is that true? 🙂
Great article.
I have a co-worker that interrupts every conversation. In a meeting it is impossible to understand, b/c the conversation only escalates as people attempt to talk above her.
I don't. I just say....."I can't understand when more than one person is talking." She immediately stops. If she does it again....so do I.
If I am talking, being interrupted, I simply, put my hand up in front of my face and remind her that I am trying to have a simple conversation, but I can't b/c of interruptions. It used to drive me insane...then I took control of it. Now it doesn't!
You are so right in that this is completely disrespectful. When talking to potential clients for my biz, I never interrupt. I value their time, their words (even when they are not making sense), & their concerns.
I love the part about relevancy! I am not, nor have I ever been, a drama queen & I just want to stick to what is pertinent. Can we sidebar? Absolutely, after all....women are like spaghetti right? but......relevancy is key! I know when and with whom I can spaghetti!!
Thanks RG!
G
Hey Randy.. my wife saw this today before I did.. after I ready it, I literally dropped my jaw and we said in unison the name of someone in our lives who is a 'Jeremy'. We didn't really understand why it didn't seem what we did, it just couldn't resonate with him... we were JUST yesterday brainstorming how we could make our lives easier - what approach we should try next. LOL!! Thanks for shedding light on this - and showing us our next move!
One question though.. You mentioned you didn't like NLP being used on you... I've recently been exposed to it and have been lead to believe it's a remarkable way to help others change self-destructive behaviors. Have I been led astray?
Are you expressing a dislike toward NLP, or to the 'ilk' who would use it to manipulate others into their will?
great message... ;o)
I will take the 5th amendment here!
-RG
I am sure NLP has some very helpful uses. But the only times I've been exposed to it have been people using it to manipulate others into doing things they don't want to do, run rackets, or try to sell something.
-RG
I do recognise my self in Jeremys shoes. When I hopefully stop and distinguish my playing racket I can see the fear of loss of significance and all based on comingled reality.
To solve this by communicating I will have to ackowlegde my nonrespect and try to be real.
When two people are real with each other communication appear.
In the mean time your walk away and leave it is the least effort one can do , Randy !
I'm a high school teacher. I work with great students, however, many people have so many layers of emotional baggage they need to peel off to look at themselves as learners. Myself included...
Do you think this article was helpful for me? Of course...I don't waste time with many students who are showing that any effort at that moment would be wasted. Doesn't mean I give up, but I don't go forward when students are disrespectful.
Thanks for listening....
Daniel
Another dynamic post Randy, I will definitely think this one through and set my boundaries. Thank you for the wonderful advice.
Love it! You are one of the most straight up guys. thanks for sharing 🙂
Randy Gage - Thank YOU for all that YOU do!
So when will you be visiting the Republic of Panama?
Please advise!
RICH Novak
Thank YOU!
Hi, Jeremy here!
Ok..... just kidding.
Great post Randy. Will have to make sure I'm not the Jeremy when interacting with people.
I love it there, and conducted one of my Mastermind Retreats there a few years ago. But don't have anything booked there at the moment.
-RG
I love this post! I was exposed to this kind of craziness over the past decade as a turnaround expert in the technology industry.
Sociopaths, NLP manipulators, ADD personas - you name it, I've been in the midst of it. I was the lightning rod who represented change - the enemy. That meant I further accelerated the craziness and it somehow was aimed right at me.
But it was a blessing. Their craziness helped me heal some of my own feelings of worthiness born from my own childhood abuse. It took me a while to realize that their reaction wasn't about me.
Nor was it their true insanity. It was linear craziness - designed out of fear for self-protection and control. In some cases it came from malice, or a search for the pure joy of messing with someone elses head. (I personally believe that's what NLPers are all about based on my experience.)
I finally had enough and started saying NO. The Universe gave me lots of tests - and I am still saying NO. I refuse to allow that energy into my life.
I can't begin to express how free I feel, knowing that never again will I expose myself to this craziness! Boundaries lovingly drawn for my greater good!
reb
Randy, I respect you for taking a stand, and not giving Jeremy permission to disturb your Wa.
Yes, Jeremy is living a melodramatic life like so many. Perhaps, due to fear, childhood experiences (not listened to) or lack of confidence; who knows, but definitely something triggers this behavior. His rackets are imprinted in his mental computer.
I almost want to feel sorry for Jeremy, but it is our responsibility to say NO MAS, NO MORE to the Jeremy's in our space. Jeremy is not a 5 year old. If he wants to play in Adult-Land then he must re-program his computer and learn the rules of adult communication, empowering behavior and most importantly, respect.
Otherwise; it will cost him!
Randy, thank you! As always a powerful and educating post!
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway.
You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
L.E.E.
Randy,
You hit the nail on the head. Walk Away. Let it go. I had a situation this morning that was pissing me off. Until I let it go. It takes courage to do this, not to engage, not to force things, not to have it your way. But the wise person realizes that they don't have to get into a pissing match. Let it go and grow.
Thanks buddy. I needed to hear that story this morning 🙂
Excellent topic Randy,
I agree with you that is very important to set those boundaries very clearly and to say exactly what's going on, honestly so there's not misunderstandings, or at least no secrets, everything is clear.
You reminded me something that one of my favourite authors, Nietzsche, said:
"To predict the behaviour of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence."
Very impressive post, Randy!
The thing is that you are strong enough to admit where you'd better walk away and say "Via con Dios", the thing is that not many public people can do that.... Thank you for this post, Randy! It helps to understand that it's not something wrong with me whem I meet such people, even Randy meets them and what? he just walks away not wasting his time and energy to prove some "Jeremy" that he is right.. 🙂 Brilliant! Love you, Randy!!!
WOW... i really needed to hear this quote, you made my whole day, or maybe my whole week.
this is a great POSITIVE spin on my most used negative mantra i unfortunately use almost every single day, especially on days i am driving some where....
wow... thank you... i love this quote....
hope you don't mind that i comment directly to you.
thank you,
Hi Randy,
It is so true that we can easily get sucked into the drama and emotions of someones life by the way they react to us. Setting up and sticking to defined boundaries are so critical for growth and success. I am so thankful for being able to understand this great wisdom and work towards practicing it in all that I do. Thanks for the reminder and the extra encouragement by showing us that it is possible to do.
Make it a great day!
God Bless,
-ed
No fluff...I like that!
I have no time for negative. I'm drawing the line.
Thanks RG
Sandra Bullard
Hi Rany
great message, but it is impossible in my country. I am from Iran and I am a girl . positive things is impossible.
Are you the "Jeremy" he is referring to in this story?
RG, you rock!
As usual, you're dead on target (what a great reminder to keep the sh!theads at bay and not get sucked into their drama;-)
thanks for all you do (time to hang again, my friend -- long overdue, actually... you foot growing fool).
J
Thank you Randy. This is an excellent example of people manipulating conversations.
This post was something I am experiencing right now. I'm a member of a religious organization and I am very disappointed with the people's behaviour. When I feel rejected for any reason, I do the 2 things mentioned above: change it or accept it. But if neither of them work, I walk away after I justify myself. And I think it's the best thing for me. I really liked your blog. I'll keep coming many times. Thanks 😉
A very sensitive subject Randy, but a real one.
We can meet "toxic people " everywhere , energetic vampires.
I have one in my family also.
We have to create " our shields" for every case.
It's up to us to act, to close the " Pandora's box"
Great post.....good to know!
Thanks
Exellent post! Thanks for the story! You are great man!
excellent post and clear directed analysis......in my foray into the professional world.....i was dislodged from my track by such crazy people in addition to egomaniacs and narcissists...my weak boundaries and my lack of concept of self respect and self love was the chief reason and also that i was trying in vain to get along with everybody.infact i started carrying a victim mentality instead of reflecting on the situation and walking away......
I will pray God helps you sweet women. He says He listens to the afflicted, and hears those who call on Him and trust in Him. Hid Word says..Those who seek Him will find Him if they seek Him with all their hearts.I am a woman who God rescued from a very bad and dangerous place. God loves you and knows your anguish. Seek him..He will show you the way and give you strength and rest. Jesus said " My peace I give you, not as the world gives.." I pray for you tonight Maryam..that you will know the hand of the one true God. Dont be afraid..He knows you and no one can rip you from His hand.. I have known His faithfulness. He is a God who saves.. the ONLY God..who LOVES you..and gave His life for you on a cross..that you may be freed. I pray His love and hand of protection over you. X His Word says, much can be taken from you..but not His love and faithfulness to you. We have an everlasting love and life in Him..Jesus..the only Son of God.
@Maryam I am sorry you face these trying challenges. There is hope with sharing, learning, and solidarity. Keep looking for inspiration, keep learning, build alliances in your community. Those will be the tools you and others will use to create change. Women in every society have faced struggle and have eventually persevered. Build the army to fight for change. Much love, good ideas, and strength to you, sister.
Thank you Randy Gage, for expressing your imbroglio with one of the many psychos we all deal with occasionally. I have had many similar encounters in my life.
The U.S.A. today has its big share of mental illness. There are many millions of male and female psychopaths of every kind across America. For just one example in 2019 alone, at least 45 school shootings occurred.
Don't even think that all your neighbors, CEO/boss or co-workers are safe or that they are mentally stabile people. Today there are millions of psychos out of prison back in society, after serving time in jail. Do you all your co-workers backgrounds?
Be careful with everyone. You are right, Randy: Set boundaries. It protects you. Stay safe, Randy and may the power of God be with you.
~Mark F. LaMoure
Very well stated. Jeremy and his ilk are energy and creativity vampires. The only strategy is to either isolate them or move on. Another profound Randy Gage tool for the arsenal. Thank you.
Nice job Randy!
I was recently reading about how to deal with people in those circumstances in the book "The Celestine Prophecy" (one of the series - forget which one)...and your example just gave me a solid way in which to actually use it in real life.
Great stuff!
Jeremy Reeves
http://www.ControlBeatingCopy.com
Yes I have learned the hard way about boundaries because I am a "people person" and have ran my businesses with "customer service" as a top priority, however, my life coach showed me that my boundaries were weak and I was allowing my clients to take advantage of my kindness. I have begun to set boundaries both in my marriage as well as my professional relationships and it feels great to walk away from no-win situations and to say "no" when I just do not have the time to committ to an activity. Randy, great post and keep getting the word out!
Thank you Randy for confirming something that I saw for myself dealing with someone I know. The person I dealt with could be "Jeremy's' twin! 🙁
Now, I just hear what he says and watch what he does. A walking billboard for hypocrisy. I reframe his behavior and remind myself what not to do.
Even if they are ???holes, you still can learn a lot from them!
Thanks for the tip!
"Ilk" That's going to be the word for the day!
-RG
Great post. These types are such wasters of time and energy. I was once told something to help clarify what I need to do in any situation:-
- Accept it
- Change it or
- Leave it
When the first two don't work, you have to just walk.
Keep 'em coming Randy.
Many Blessings
Thanks Randy because this is right on time for me. At my day job, I am surrounded by people who complain about how bad work is but do not want to discuss rational solutions to the problem. I just refuse to talk about the problems when they start bitchin so they stop or move to someone who will listen.
I like that - simple and easy to apply
We discuss the Jeremy's of this world alot...have you ever been or are you now the Jeremy in someone else's life?
That's the main reason i follow you.
Good Caracter that position!!
-GJ
OOOOOO!
So awesome Randy. Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you again for all the wisdom that you share.
Now here's a dose of reality. Tried to deal with this type (which happens to be my boss and the owner) for 6 years but haven't mastered it or found a new job. Have no idea what it is I am manifesting to keep me in this mess... But this post reminded me to point my attentions elsewhere since they tend to be drawn back into the emotional manipulation mess daily. BE STRONG!
Randy,
Exellent post. I think we all have a few Jeremy's in our life. The need to be right always with no accountability.
Thanks,
Jim Story
PS. Did you go to Landmark..Racquets?
Does “Jeremy” have a worthiness issue that he is not aware of or ready to acknowledge? Is he trying to be heard because he thinks he needs to prove he is "good enough"?
I think sometimes our egos get in our way and limit us. Not realizing issues from our past, possibly from childhood, hurt us. It may be his way of trying to cover his insecurities.
People are capable of changing but they need to be aware that they need to change and willing to get out of their comfort zone to change.
I think sometimes we need to find the right approach with people to meet them where they are.
For example, I know someone who dislikes the authors Napoleon Hill, Catherine Ponder, Charles Fillmore and Randy Gage... so I try to find different authors with the same message that are acceptable to that person (James Allen, John Maxwell and Chip Ingram). I also have found that Beth Moore is accepted by a lot of women that I know.
What an excellent post. I found it through @BobBurg on Twitter. I can relate, the irrational person I had to deal with was my immediate supervisor. I felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride, never knowing if I would be climbing up or zipping down from day to day. I finally left and never looked back. Best thing I ever did 🙂
omg- i am not TOTALLY this person, but I certainly see myself in certain elements of the Crazy you have described. YIKES. Ok... focus... something to work on. Wow. Hit me between the eyes with that one.
Maybe Jeremy should have become a politian. I learned from my own experience you can't argue or win with these people. Just walk away.
I meant to write polititian. Sorry.
I call them 'crazymakers'.
Once I started healing my thoughts, and learning about my worth, I could actually 'find' these people in my life. Before working on myself, i'm sure I was one of them.
Now I can see them, and move away from them. I know I can't change them, but I can control how little I am around them.
Needless to say, I've lost a few 'friends' because of it, but I discovered I was just enabling their behaviors anyway, and that it wasn't much of a friendship to begin with. Not the one that I strive for these days.
Thanks. 😉
With Gratitude,
Jhanna Dawson
In the last couple years I have eliminated many from my daily and weekly interactions. There are only 24 hours in the day and I have discovered that the 'Jeremy Group' can ruin an entire day if you let them. With a half dozen in your life weeks can become totally unmanageable. I wish I could help everyone. I can't and it is impossible if there is no me left at the end of the day.
Thanks for the story Randy. You put the issue in a clearer perspective. I have a habit of always wanting to either prove myself right and / or win them over to my way of thinking or opinions. I have been trying more lately though to "pick my battles". You're right though in just needing to walk away when you are dealing with a "Jeremy" and don't waste precious time.
RJ
A classic tale, Randy. I find it really frustrating when people try to substitute emotional manipulation for emotional intelligence + reason. I suspect that this is rarely intentional or malicious, but based in blind ego and insecurity. As a previous commenter (David) pointed out, I need to be vigilant in keeping my own side of the street clean. If I can stay focused and correct my own actions when necessary, that helps to defuse a lot of potential stalemates. And indeed, if the person you're dealing with is truly intractable or "crazy", the best policy is to disengage.
Oh, how often have I fallen into this trap. You have opened my eyes! Thanks.
No never did that but know a lot of people that did and liked it a lot.
-RG
Yes this all stems from worthiness issues and insecurity. And I need the name of that person that dislikes me! 🙂
-RG
But you have to be careful when walking away from people, try not to turn your back on them or you could end up dead in a pool.
Sorry, I watched Sunset Boulevard last night 🙂
Norma was a great manipulator.
You are exactly dead on here.
-RG
I'm laughing - I am a drama QUEEEEEENNNNNNNNN.....
And when I first saw this - I thought you were writing about "Natalie"
I fully admit to being the most high maintenance, challenging, demanding, difficult, time consuming wench in Randy's life! Would you agree, RG?
And yip - all of the above is pretty much how he handles me! Tho it's with a lot of love, a lots of laughter, and a lot of belief in my sanity!
I personally think it's the difference between masculine and feminine style of relating.... But somehow and shocking he won't believe me!!!!
That said I do communicate with respect - albeit rather cheeky sometimes. And I tell the truth - even when it makes me look bad!
Though what I do completely get is that when I am drama filled, it's WAY better to clear it and share what's there so I can get insight into it, than stay silent and the drama eat me up. Randy has a way of seeing things that melts the drama, and allows clarity.
The otherside of the drama is deep care and love.
I am deeply grateful. xox
I just reread this....
And could hear the voice of my kids Head Teacher as I reread it. I just got back from my kids parents evening. He said: "After coming to know you, you are the most self-defacing parent I've ever come to know. IT actually masks the true acknowledgement of who you are."
Interesting.
Is that true? 🙂
Great article.
I have a co-worker that interrupts every conversation. In a meeting it is impossible to understand, b/c the conversation only escalates as people attempt to talk above her.
I don't. I just say....."I can't understand when more than one person is talking." She immediately stops. If she does it again....so do I.
If I am talking, being interrupted, I simply, put my hand up in front of my face and remind her that I am trying to have a simple conversation, but I can't b/c of interruptions. It used to drive me insane...then I took control of it. Now it doesn't!
You are so right in that this is completely disrespectful. When talking to potential clients for my biz, I never interrupt. I value their time, their words (even when they are not making sense), & their concerns.
I love the part about relevancy! I am not, nor have I ever been, a drama queen & I just want to stick to what is pertinent. Can we sidebar? Absolutely, after all....women are like spaghetti right? but......relevancy is key! I know when and with whom I can spaghetti!!
Thanks RG!
G
Hey Randy.. my wife saw this today before I did.. after I ready it, I literally dropped my jaw and we said in unison the name of someone in our lives who is a 'Jeremy'. We didn't really understand why it didn't seem what we did, it just couldn't resonate with him... we were JUST yesterday brainstorming how we could make our lives easier - what approach we should try next. LOL!! Thanks for shedding light on this - and showing us our next move!
One question though.. You mentioned you didn't like NLP being used on you... I've recently been exposed to it and have been lead to believe it's a remarkable way to help others change self-destructive behaviors. Have I been led astray?
Are you expressing a dislike toward NLP, or to the 'ilk' who would use it to manipulate others into their will?
great message... ;o)
I will take the 5th amendment here!
-RG
I am sure NLP has some very helpful uses. But the only times I've been exposed to it have been people using it to manipulate others into doing things they don't want to do, run rackets, or try to sell something.
-RG
I do recognise my self in Jeremys shoes. When I hopefully stop and distinguish my playing racket I can see the fear of loss of significance and all based on comingled reality.
To solve this by communicating I will have to ackowlegde my nonrespect and try to be real.
When two people are real with each other communication appear.
In the mean time your walk away and leave it is the least effort one can do , Randy !
I'm a high school teacher. I work with great students, however, many people have so many layers of emotional baggage they need to peel off to look at themselves as learners. Myself included...
Do you think this article was helpful for me? Of course...I don't waste time with many students who are showing that any effort at that moment would be wasted. Doesn't mean I give up, but I don't go forward when students are disrespectful.
Thanks for listening....
Daniel
Another dynamic post Randy, I will definitely think this one through and set my boundaries. Thank you for the wonderful advice.
Love it! You are one of the most straight up guys. thanks for sharing 🙂
Randy Gage - Thank YOU for all that YOU do!
So when will you be visiting the Republic of Panama?
Please advise!
RICH Novak
Thank YOU!
Hi, Jeremy here!
Ok..... just kidding.
Great post Randy. Will have to make sure I'm not the Jeremy when interacting with people.
I love it there, and conducted one of my Mastermind Retreats there a few years ago. But don't have anything booked there at the moment.
-RG
I love this post! I was exposed to this kind of craziness over the past decade as a turnaround expert in the technology industry.
Sociopaths, NLP manipulators, ADD personas - you name it, I've been in the midst of it. I was the lightning rod who represented change - the enemy. That meant I further accelerated the craziness and it somehow was aimed right at me.
But it was a blessing. Their craziness helped me heal some of my own feelings of worthiness born from my own childhood abuse. It took me a while to realize that their reaction wasn't about me.
Nor was it their true insanity. It was linear craziness - designed out of fear for self-protection and control. In some cases it came from malice, or a search for the pure joy of messing with someone elses head. (I personally believe that's what NLPers are all about based on my experience.)
I finally had enough and started saying NO. The Universe gave me lots of tests - and I am still saying NO. I refuse to allow that energy into my life.
I can't begin to express how free I feel, knowing that never again will I expose myself to this craziness! Boundaries lovingly drawn for my greater good!
reb
Randy, I respect you for taking a stand, and not giving Jeremy permission to disturb your Wa.
Yes, Jeremy is living a melodramatic life like so many. Perhaps, due to fear, childhood experiences (not listened to) or lack of confidence; who knows, but definitely something triggers this behavior. His rackets are imprinted in his mental computer.
I almost want to feel sorry for Jeremy, but it is our responsibility to say NO MAS, NO MORE to the Jeremy's in our space. Jeremy is not a 5 year old. If he wants to play in Adult-Land then he must re-program his computer and learn the rules of adult communication, empowering behavior and most importantly, respect.
Otherwise; it will cost him!
Randy, thank you! As always a powerful and educating post!
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway.
You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
L.E.E.
Randy,
You hit the nail on the head. Walk Away. Let it go. I had a situation this morning that was pissing me off. Until I let it go. It takes courage to do this, not to engage, not to force things, not to have it your way. But the wise person realizes that they don't have to get into a pissing match. Let it go and grow.
Thanks buddy. I needed to hear that story this morning 🙂
Excellent topic Randy,
I agree with you that is very important to set those boundaries very clearly and to say exactly what's going on, honestly so there's not misunderstandings, or at least no secrets, everything is clear.
You reminded me something that one of my favourite authors, Nietzsche, said:
"To predict the behaviour of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence."
Very impressive post, Randy!
The thing is that you are strong enough to admit where you'd better walk away and say "Via con Dios", the thing is that not many public people can do that.... Thank you for this post, Randy! It helps to understand that it's not something wrong with me whem I meet such people, even Randy meets them and what? he just walks away not wasting his time and energy to prove some "Jeremy" that he is right.. 🙂 Brilliant! Love you, Randy!!!
WOW... i really needed to hear this quote, you made my whole day, or maybe my whole week.
this is a great POSITIVE spin on my most used negative mantra i unfortunately use almost every single day, especially on days i am driving some where....
wow... thank you... i love this quote....
hope you don't mind that i comment directly to you.
thank you,
Hi Randy,
It is so true that we can easily get sucked into the drama and emotions of someones life by the way they react to us. Setting up and sticking to defined boundaries are so critical for growth and success. I am so thankful for being able to understand this great wisdom and work towards practicing it in all that I do. Thanks for the reminder and the extra encouragement by showing us that it is possible to do.
Make it a great day!
God Bless,
-ed
No fluff...I like that!
I have no time for negative. I'm drawing the line.
Thanks RG
Sandra Bullard
Hi Rany
great message, but it is impossible in my country. I am from Iran and I am a girl . positive things is impossible.
Are you the "Jeremy" he is referring to in this story?
RG, you rock!
As usual, you're dead on target (what a great reminder to keep the sh!theads at bay and not get sucked into their drama;-)
thanks for all you do (time to hang again, my friend -- long overdue, actually... you foot growing fool).
J
Thank you Randy. This is an excellent example of people manipulating conversations.
This post was something I am experiencing right now. I'm a member of a religious organization and I am very disappointed with the people's behaviour. When I feel rejected for any reason, I do the 2 things mentioned above: change it or accept it. But if neither of them work, I walk away after I justify myself. And I think it's the best thing for me. I really liked your blog. I'll keep coming many times. Thanks 😉
A very sensitive subject Randy, but a real one.
We can meet "toxic people " everywhere , energetic vampires.
I have one in my family also.
We have to create " our shields" for every case.
It's up to us to act, to close the " Pandora's box"
Great post.....good to know!
Thanks
Exellent post! Thanks for the story! You are great man!
excellent post and clear directed analysis......in my foray into the professional world.....i was dislodged from my track by such crazy people in addition to egomaniacs and narcissists...my weak boundaries and my lack of concept of self respect and self love was the chief reason and also that i was trying in vain to get along with everybody.infact i started carrying a victim mentality instead of reflecting on the situation and walking away......
I will pray God helps you sweet women. He says He listens to the afflicted, and hears those who call on Him and trust in Him. Hid Word says..Those who seek Him will find Him if they seek Him with all their hearts.I am a woman who God rescued from a very bad and dangerous place. God loves you and knows your anguish. Seek him..He will show you the way and give you strength and rest. Jesus said " My peace I give you, not as the world gives.." I pray for you tonight Maryam..that you will know the hand of the one true God. Dont be afraid..He knows you and no one can rip you from His hand.. I have known His faithfulness. He is a God who saves.. the ONLY God..who LOVES you..and gave His life for you on a cross..that you may be freed. I pray His love and hand of protection over you. X His Word says, much can be taken from you..but not His love and faithfulness to you. We have an everlasting love and life in Him..Jesus..the only Son of God.
@Maryam I am sorry you face these trying challenges. There is hope with sharing, learning, and solidarity. Keep looking for inspiration, keep learning, build alliances in your community. Those will be the tools you and others will use to create change. Women in every society have faced struggle and have eventually persevered. Build the army to fight for change. Much love, good ideas, and strength to you, sister.
Thank you Randy Gage, for expressing your imbroglio with one of the many psychos we all deal with occasionally. I have had many similar encounters in my life.
The U.S.A. today has its big share of mental illness. There are many millions of male and female psychopaths of every kind across America. For just one example in 2019 alone, at least 45 school shootings occurred.
Don't even think that all your neighbors, CEO/boss or co-workers are safe or that they are mentally stabile people. Today there are millions of psychos out of prison back in society, after serving time in jail. Do you all your co-workers backgrounds?
Be careful with everyone. You are right, Randy: Set boundaries. It protects you. Stay safe, Randy and may the power of God be with you.
~Mark F. LaMoure