Prosperity TVI'll be interested to see the next posts. Yes, I can see how one could revel/wallow in a "challenging" starting plate. But I think it's also a reality that we are not sole actors. We are surrounded by people, systems, and providence. There's no such thing as true equality. We engage our gifts, skills, and determination to both mold and responds to the things in our intentional paths. Barriers are real in that they arise and attempt to block us. Our ability to go around them or enjoy the challenge of busting through them would seem to be a healthy mindset, yes?
I'll be interested to see the next posts. Yes, I can see how one could revel/wallow in a "challenging" starting plate. But I think it's also a reality that we are not sole actors. We are surrounded by people, systems, and providence. There's no such thing as true equality. We engage our gifts, skills, and determination to both mold and responds to the things in our intentional paths. Barriers are real in that they arise and attempt to block us. Our ability to go around them or enjoy the challenge of busting through them would seem to be a healthy mindset, yes?
"that we do this because it gives us a hole to climb out of, makes the ultimate victory sweeter, etc"
Hmmm... I wonder if many people notice the point of this sentence: a challenge GIVES (or I better say - creates, where there's none) a hole to climb out of. A challenge is a bottomless hole in itself, and doing something for the sake of the CHALLENGE and not for pleasure, interest, etc, is only digging this hole bigger.
Thanks for the post, very sobering (just like usual 🙂
I just know that escaping the victimhood life is tough. I am struggling today with the issue. I look forward to your insights as to how to escape the choke hold. Have a great weekend.
I am NOT a victim type and I hate the victim thing and always did.People complained much about me when I grew up.Made fun of me, didn´t show me respect, put all the blame on me etc.Oh yes I know I sound like one seriously but I always did everything to get rid of them.THOUGH,I didn´t have any parents who thought me how to stand up for myself.They were both "Victimtypes"I was cruzified in almost every step I took.Because I was intelligent,duted,beautiful,kindhearted-OR a victim?I still have no answer.Why my life was like it was is still a BIG question to me.I look forward to hear what you have to say about it.And I think the health of your body and your condition as a whole has a lot to do with your life and choises.But I still don´t know answers about it!THANKS
This really is a crazy pattern that we engage in. It is just in the past year that I realised that I stopped large wealth because I thought that if I got what I want then there would be no challenge and life would be boring and crap so I kept getting wealth and then losing it and getting it and losing it.
I went from an $18million dollar Apartment in Malibu to 12months later living in an abandoned coast-gaurd station in Ireland sleeping on the floor, washing in a sink with ice cold water and living on oranges and peanuts in the middle of the winter. It even had a big air vent that just let the icy air flow through and made it be like a freezer for 6 months.
I then moved to another €million apartment on the beach. While I was in the poverty I kept thinking about wealth and knew I would have it and then when I was in wealth I knew that it wouldn't last. Crazy now that I have Identified the pattern. I hope I have cleared it because it leads to a good story but is not fun at the time.
Great blog
Thanks Randy
Randy, an excellent thought provoking topic.
Years ago, I made a consciencious choice to stop participating in this Victimhood Opera.
As I understood being a victim or living in victimhoodland was painful. Many of us react to life as a victim. It is pure drama.
It creates havoc in all areas of ones' life. It's like an emotional baggage of fear, guilt, anger, feelings of betrayal exhibited in our daily life. It keeps us stuck. It is almost like a drug and keeps us hooked.
Fifthteen years ago, I enrolled in a seminar that addressed this precise issue and learned that they are called "RACKETS" defined as "a fixed way of being plus a persistent complaint." For example, lets say one is overweight and continues to eat improperly, not exercising; yet complains about the weight, then this is consider a "Racket'.
Stay with me on this: There is always a "PAYOFF" for being a victim and they can be the following patterns: "being right/wrong, domination or avoiding it or justifying self and making others wrong", etc... You get the picture.
This is where it causes discomfort because there is a "COST" to this behavior. This could be your well-being, love in a relationship(s), authenticity of self-expression or fulfillment.
So what can we do about it: Take responsibility and choose to abandon Victimhood (racketeering) entirely. It is definitely a learnable behavior. Practice, Practice, Practice.
Live Healthy and Enjoy Life,
L.E.E.
***Thank YOU Randy
I saw this quote from Noah St John:
"We live in a victim-based society. Americans are actually encouraged to blame other people for their behavior and results (or lack thereof). I have interviewed scores of multi-millionaires, each of whom could have given up dozens of times in their careers. Not one of them has a victim mentality. Rather, they believe that they are masters of their destiny-and even though they may be down, they are never out."
I think it is important to take responsibility and forgive yourself for failures.
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Thomas A Edison
Randy,
I hope your tour is wonderful and safe with all the ash/air problems flying is experiencing. I have had to catch up on your posts and realize that I can never get enough reminders about not living in victim mode. My parents were the children of abusive alcoholics and the poop rolled down hill to us, of course. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion or negative emotion, always seen and not heard. Don't make waves. My mother was a martyr who could not communicate her feelings, did not take care of herself first and resented US for that, coming out in passive/aggressive ways. Ingrained victimhood.
I am a very passionate, energetic person with strong emotions and opinions and my biggest struggle now is to find the balance between being true to myself, sharing my thoughts with those I encounter honestly, and not coming across as critical, judgemental (my mom) or placating and kiss ass. Oh, to find the balance.
In your posts about congruent philosophies, being the child of a career military/policeman, I find very strong emotions tied to these questions but have to completely agree with your conclusions. I think this series, especially your story and connected emotions, are some of the best, clearest yet. It really resonates with me at this point in my life. My emotions are very strong about health, growth and the proper feeding of ones life but I have young adult children and friends who have not come to those same conclusions and I want to be a positive, nurturing force in their lives and not critical, offending. As you pointed out, it has to be their choice. God allows me to make my own choices, good or bad, and loves me just the same. It doesn't mean we won't reap consequences but the rain falls (God's blessings) on the righteous and unrighteous just the same. Bless you for your commitment to helping us be the most congruent, healthy, best person we can be. Your input is invaluable.
P.S.
The abortion question is definitely an conundrum. I believe that women have the right to not conceive and to control their own bodies but that once another life has been brought into the equation (and I believe that starts at conception), the "new" person involved should have the right of protection, the same as any other child. This person cannot speak for themselves, yet science has proven that they feel, hear, react, love and experience pain long before they are born. It is incongruent that a mother may kill her child before it breathes air but will face penalties for abandonment or murder after it's born. It is one or the other. If women don't want to be pregnant, they need to be more responsible about preventing it, including "just say no".
RG-
Your life is a perfect example of how you can overcome victim mentality. It saddens me to see people that have endured much less now living in shadows of the past. Well saddens isn't a good term. I have to be careful, apply grace to them & not to think it is ridiculous!
Thanks,
G-
Right on. I have noticed my own abilities heighten in times of chaos. So I create chaos, even if it is a slow slide down a hill I don't want to travel. My word these days is to life Uncompromised. Defining that is key for me. Then integrity with that standard...
Onward. Thanks bro for the post.
RR
Hi Randy,
I had a girlfriend once who used to brag about how she was so strong in the face of all the bad things that happened to her. After I had taken my distance from her I came to the conclusion she had a very cleverly disguised victim mentality. What are your thought about that; did I see this right or are you of the opinion that such behavior is not an example of a victim mentality?
Yes you don't need to repeat that lesson!
-RG
Yes some months ago I did a series on these types of rackets. Glad you are on the other side.
-RG
Sounds like you are on a very good path.
-RG
I think you are probably dead on. I don't know this girl, but I have certainly met many people that fit this pattern.
-RG
RG,
I nap once a day listening to the places you have visited in the last48 hours. LOL. For the record I have hard time imagining your speaking anyplace that had the word quit in it. )Quito, Equador.
Seriously, I never thought that challenges another way to place the front of my right hand on my forehead. Yes look at me I am suffering. I am taking steps to move into areas that I dream about but scare me as they are unchartered waters for me.
Looking forward to the next post.
Thanks,
Jim Story
It is so easy to be a victim! It gives a person a possibility to do nothing in order to make any kind of change in it`s way of thinking. If you are victim of somebody or victim of bad sircumstances, the blame is not yours, there is no need to do any effort... Probably, everibody has felt this. This mental habit is so strong! It`s just like an anchor, keeping so many people in poverty. Taking the view that everyone is responsible for it`s own state is the action that helps to raise the anchor of consciousness inertia.
We all choose our own demons and of course if you are a victim that isn’t true. I enjoyed smoking cigarettes for a long time until I realized what I called enjoyment was at my expense. When I noticed that “I” didn’t smoke cigarettes but ‘cigarettes’ smoked me, I quit, 21 Feb 1984 and remember only noticing how much extra time I had. Being a victim is about asking ‘why’ questions about everything. Powerful questions generate more questions and lots and lots of answers. ‘Why?’ is always followed by ‘because’ for the answer with some odd belief that ‘understanding ‘why’ the bear is eating you will make some difference. NOT! I notice when I am being a ‘because’ I have chosen at that moment to be one form of victim or another. When someone or something defines me and the definition demeans me or does not inspire me or others, I am granting victimhood. Shakespeare’s Hamlet said, “To thine own self be true.”
Randy, this post (and the last few) hit home so much because I have had that "overcome all odds" mentality for the longest time and have recently realized this. I don't think it's so much a victim mentality (maybe somewhat) but more than anything what I call the "Rocky" syndrome. He struggled to come from nothing and overcome all odds to battle and try to defeat the champ. Yes, he did go on to become the champ himself eventually, but maybe he could have done it sooner if he had gone into the first match with the mindset that he was already a champ and just had to go claim it.
Maybe this sounds like a corny analogy, but I think of most things I have accomplished in my life, and what came easiest to me was when I went into a situation with the mindset that a had already won or achieved the outcome I wanted. Everyone likes to have a great "Rocky" or "Rudy" story where you are, yes, a victim, and go on to overcome unbelievable odds. How much more though can we accomplish if we just go into an endeavour with the mindset of Ali or someone who dominates their field already.
RJ
Great take on this.
-RG
I recently got involved in lawsuits brought against me for no reasons. By having taken seemingly legal actions against me, the opponents thought that I might just be afraid and give in, not pursuing in getting them out of my properties. What a world we live. They took advantage of my kindness and concern for them, knowing that I would not go beyond the legality to get them out, and went on pursuing further in hope that they somehow could get by with their situations without making payments. I live in SF but own properties in LA with some tenants in. I do want to believe I am tolerant/patient enough to let go of many unfair agitating situations that are absolutely against the natural flow to our human senses. I simply let those tenants stay on the premises based on their promises, regardless of the fact that they kept failing their legal obligations month after month with hopes that I could somehow contribute my share to help change their natural lack of self worth and dishonesty so that they might change their way of life from the one filled with lies, tricks, untruthful story after story to the positive clean life. If I could just help those three individuals, I thought I was doing my part in helping this society a better place and also doing something good for God, and not looking at the money to be an issue, although I was losing a good amount of money by trying to trust them. Wrong! Yes, it was a hard lesson for me to draw a line between the logical thinking with no emotions involved and illogical thinking. I finally decided after six months of unpaid rents, I let them know that I would have to evict them. As a result, not just one but all of them stood up and brought lawsuits against me for no legitimate reasons, and that was when I finally decided to take legal actions by consulting with an attorney. ...So, the bottom line is that... am I putting myself in the victimized position through this experience. The answer is 'No.' I did what I did and how I did within my sense of integrity and a set of belief that I was doing the right thing at least at those given times. Whether we make a wrong decision or right decision which bring the ultimate result that may appear to be negative, not positive all the time, at least I feel I learned a lesson, and this lesson was a precious one, and that I would know that I won't mix logical aspect of things with illogical/emotional ones, as I will be forced to continue on to handle similar matters in the future. And this certainly shouldn't and won't keep me from trusting people who are worthy of trust and respect but helped me learn to weed negative and harmful people out who do not do me any good in terms of the prosperity and health to my life, instead of trusting every single human being on earth so aimlessly/carelessly and comically.
[In response to your question, Randy: What if it was just another way for you to hold onto being a victim? And why would you do that anyway?]
I think it all has things to do with our true genuine self worth that comes from within and how we generally tend to look at ourselves and things in our everyday life - either looking at the situations with us right in the middle of the whole picture or out of the picutre - subjectively or objectively.
I've learned that nothing matters, not really, when we come to know our creator who had created us and knows us all, recognizing who the true source is in all things. I've not reached the hightest place where God had intended for me to be and am certainly not always in control of all things, but at least luckily enough I know WHO is, and in that I lay my head down and sleep in peace every night with a good thought that I will wake up in the next morning with a refreshing mind that I won't have to struggle or strive, trying to be someone else that I am not or not meant to be, or seek the world's approval for my happiness. When we meet with God, who is the creator of the whole universe, in faith and trust, seeing ourselves in the right place with Him.. where we are meant/intended to be in Him, things just take place at the set/intended time. Randy, you are an absolutely perfect example of how we could develop a winning mentality from our victim mentality even in small things in our everyday life. We're not perfect by any means, and everyday we are progressing and perhaps making mistakes once in a while but keep on keeping on. How I write sounds like as if I have already achieved a highest place and know everything, no.. but I am merely learning my life as everyone else by trusting our Creator who knows it all - both seen and hidden, and finding myself one of the happy gals knowing that this truly existing living God is sovereignly in control no matter what outward circumstances/appearances look like at times. In him, we are not meant to be afraid but just trust in Him, setting our self aside, looking at what we see from His perspectives..then we're not victims most of the time. Sorry for this lengthy comment again. I have to brush up on my English to make it very short, I tell you..sorry. Love and hugs:: -saachi
Has long has one is on tis planet thee will be challenges , adversity "opportunities". The key is to consciously create them. You can seek to be poor or rich both will have obstacles to overcome to manifest. Wayne Dyer has prostate cancer, Brian Tracy has throat cancer. All there wonderful knowledge and they still manifested cancer. some time shit happens however it's your response to the challenge or "opportunity" that makes the difference. Im looking forward to your mental gymnastics on this one.
Abraham (Esther Hicks) did a video last year about this very topic and it has really hit home. She said that many of us were taught that there is no gain without pain. So we live as victims, having such terrible pain to overcome, believing that once we get through it, a pot of gold is on the other side. The problem is that we continue to find pain in everything we do as a self-fulfilling prophecy. As with any addiction, we need help through the loss of this part of ourselves and to learn a new way of being. Thank you Randy for blazing the trail and calling attention to the victims in us all. Showing us how to do it and sticking with us through the good and the bad is such a gift.
Excellent post. I think we should all focus on the "Because" and not the "Why".
Boy did this one hit home with me.......While I have consciously done work on myself to bring out the good, there is still one area nagging at me, and this post reminded me of that.....I have one area that has just come about recently, and I noticed it was a repeating pattern, but couldn't quite figure out why........Now I see where I am allowing myself to think of myself as a victim, instead of the one who really initiated these actions against me in the first place.........I take full responsibility for bringing them into my life, for a reason to yet be determined, but I did send out the attracting energy.........Right now I'm believing the "purpose" is for realization, and to finally GET OVER IT.....!
there is a famous quote that fits, and I think I'm finally in the last stage: THANKS RANDI----
Autobiography in Five Chapters by Portia Nelson
I.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V.
I walk down another street.
Yes, and I don´t think we needs definitions at all.They don´t belong to our time and make no difference,like you said.
Succesfull people have no excuses could be replaced by:They have no definitions.Waiting for your new post!!!
How wonderful you are bringing your message to South America!
I am from Central America (Nicaragua) but live in Miami.
As you may recall I attended your wonderful talk at FSA and I am sure you are being greatly appreciated in those Latin American countries.
I like very much your comments on being a victim...because it also applies to people going through losses and are experiencing grief...some choose to stay there as victims....and others transform the transitions into a personal and spiritual growth.
I wish you great success in the rest of your tour!
Ligia Houben
Randy, it was great to have you in Guayaquil Ecuador, I hape you had a great time and you come back soon.
See you in IDS, thank you for all your advice.
Juan Fernando
LOL!
-RG
It was wonderful to see you and meet so many blog readers. And of course it is nice to be back home again.
-RG
Hmm. So they had money for a lawsuit but didn't have any money for Rent. My experience has shown that there are some renters that will find any excuse not to pay and come up with all kinds of stories. It's best not to get emotionally involved at any level. You still have to pay for owning these properties and no one should get a free ride.