Prosperity TVVery interesting question. I guess there's an important distinction in here. I tend to see it as enjoying the success that comes from starting with a non-winning situation (not the same as LOSING) and building it into a winning enterprise. In work, achievement can often be measured in the overcoming of the challenges and obstacles that stop others. I am not quite sure I'm following the idea of wallowing in victimhood or lack perspective when you DO increase teamwork and performance and ultimately win.
Very interesting question. I guess there's an important distinction in here. I tend to see it as enjoying the success that comes from starting with a non-winning situation (not the same as LOSING) and building it into a winning enterprise. In work, achievement can often be measured in the overcoming of the challenges and obstacles that stop others. I am not quite sure I'm following the idea of wallowing in victimhood or lack perspective when you DO increase teamwork and performance and ultimately win.
I don't like hearing any stories of victimisation and I certainly don't get my kicks from hearing of other peoples pain.
I am very perceptive, I can see through the smokescreen people put up, I know instinctively when someone is giving me crap.
There is so much plasticity surrounding relationships between people.
What holds me back from "success" is standing up for myself. I then usually lose my job.
If just trying is failing and doing is succeeding, I have already succeeded many times.
I have been knocked down many times as well.
I used to commiserate a lot, I used to be the one starting the whole victim conversation, blaming, the whole 9. I realized one day what I was actually doing to myself, after a whole drunken night of commiserating with a friend, it was horrible. From the following morning on I have not spoke of the things that I used to. I left it all behind.
I have one person in my life, my mother, who likes to commiserate and I try to be as gentle as possible when cutting off the conversation so I don't hurt her feelings. I have tried to direct her to your blog, and some of the books I have read but she turns her nose up at the whole idea. She knows how I feel about it, which helps, and she doesn't do it as much as before, I believe at least I have made her aware of when she is playing victim.
I catch myself getting caught in the commiserating conversations, and just change the conversation.
I believe that there are issues that some need to just get off there chest so to speak, but reiterating stories just to have the attention are the stories I try to say away from..
I have become very aware of the commiserating and try to steer clear.
Jamie 😉
and yes it was holding me back, a lot. Which makes striving for success useless. Because how can you want to be successful if you want to play the victim with the people around you.
Jaime 😉
I think this is the secret to succsess, if you can´t see your self having success, who will... This victim state of mind sucks out all of your positive energy, and you you are caught running around casing all the "bad" things.. But the more you think of it and make up your mind to use your energy to do the right stuff, thing will change!
"Live to win"
I can totally resonate with this one.
When I was younger I always used to watch my favourite tv programmes and I would cheer for the bad guys and they would be the ones I would want to emulate. Now every job I have ever been in (lots!) I feel myself being the bad guy!
In my last job is when I noticed I had this pattern. I was leaving, after a few months of coming out of myself and being the bad guy (an asshole!) and when it came time to have leaving drinks/party no one came and my self talk basically said to me: "Oh don't worry, forget about them, you don't need anyone!" And on and on it goes. I was actually quite bothered - I guess I still am too.
Now I can see myself doing it again in my new job. I don't want to be here any more and I am starting to make enemies. Even though I have noticed it and that I am doing it my thoughts are still on 'winning' and 'battling'.
What can I do to stop this cycle?
Been there, seen that, done that, got the t-shirt.
Bloody glad when I re-wrote the slogan on the front! 🙂
Having been down that pathway and been blessed to come out the other side, I realise that I will never support victim consciousiness in myself or others.
It is very easy - you don´t have to do a thing.You are just too much of everything that destroyed you in the past,you never have to lift a finger. In my country, it is the state or someone elses fault that you hav a bad situation.Very simple way of life!And you ren´t gonna create any new forces AT ALL, Which means-animalstateofmind...
Heya Randy,
Excellent post here... I actually read your book, why you're sick dumb and poor. But when I try to sink in the idea that I've been causing all the hardships in my life I loose it... I've had, and still am having lots of challenges in my life and my business... sometimes they frustrate me to the point that I say to myself: "Why in the world am I doing this? shouldn't I get a real J.O.B. and just be a normal human being!?!" but I still keep on going... till I face the next challenge... but what I can't seem to figure out, is the thing inside me that makes me do this to myself!!!
I believe that if i know this bit of info... my life won't be the same ever again!
It has muck to do with your bodys condition too.A healthy person who eat balanced and is creative in life,is not going to create these problems.If your body serves you,I don´t think the soul is going to make battles. If you are too poisoned with alcohol,fat food,fast food,drugs or anything similar,it will go back to yous psychical health.So no 1 is:Be healthy.Get the flow.Get some nature and fresch air,sunshine.Connect with the world around you.Be faithful to the life to give you what you need.It is not a competition(and I tell this to myself right now!!!).Pray.Be love.
We talked about this very scenario just yesterday in a Bible study. Human beings for some reason love to be victims and hangout with other victims. It must be the same concept as ambulance chasers. I guess we enjoy seeing other victims so that we can feel better about be victims ourselves. CRAZY. When you truly realize that you were created in the image of God then you learn to get away from being a victim and begin to do what you were put here to do.
Are looking for the crap? How about looking for the positive things and learning to stand up for yoursel without being rude or hurting other people's feelings!
Cinderella
When I was little someone close to me told me the way she got through doing all the work she didn't enjoy doing was to pretend she was Cinderella and that although it may not be appreciated now, God sees it. So I adapted that mindset.
That mindset helps to keep you going and going and have great endurance, but it also allows you to be a great enabler to those around you who are not respecting you. If you allow others to disrespect or take you for granted that is a form of playing the victim if you don't set them straight.
So....that means...in order for me to be more effective with my efforts and live with more prosperity, I need to let go of the Cinderella mindset: stop seeing others as less aware than me and treat them as my equal, holding them accountable, not by being a bitch but with more straight forwardness. This will also mean holding myself more accountable because I wont be living off the credit of doing more for others as an excuse for doing less for myself.
I believe doing this may make me less appealing to those who want to be carried and have more energy to attract experiences with those who want to share the journey as equal contributors.
But roles are fun, so maybe I will keep my Cinderella mindset while cleaning but be aware that I am doing it so that I can let it go after. Wonder if that would work, or would I have to let it go completely.......maybe completely until I master being me, then I can play all the roles without them playing me.
I like this, this is fun! Thanks Randy for giving me an outlet to arrange my thoughts in a productive, fun way by providing a stable foundation (set of beliefs based on prosperity) that I can...not trust, that is too strong a word, but value highly as you are demonstrating them not just preaching them. Lots of fun!
Hello Randy,
I used to love to tap into the "oye vey" factor. Ain't it awlful blah, blah blah. Misery loves company, but how come joy and happiness are solo act. I stop myself from doing that. I learned to say to myself when someone is kvetching about this and that, "Stop that doesn't apply to me. Or It may be true for you but it isn't true for me". I can't the let the weeds of negative thoughts in my garden of good and God.
Enjoy your trip and thanks for making me think.
Jim Story
This is one of the most overlooked facets of success there is!
-RG
Oh so right, misery loves company. Pity parties are so powerful as they reinforce the idea " I have no power" thanks for this one Randy
Great topic!
I remember the day when a friend told me “you wallow in your misery”, she seemed surprised, shocked at the way I used to perceive life, as something I had to endure. It was about fifteen years ago, it was like a slap in my face but it is the most beautiful truth never said before and today I am very grateful for that. It is good to surround yourself with people who do not tell us always what we want to hear, people willing to tell us the truth, people who do not seek recognition from the other.
Being a victim was a way to get the attention I needed at the time, when you face someone who finds you pathetic for it, it's kinda wake you up.
Also when one realize love is unconditional and that self esteem comes from within not from outiside, it helps stating being a victor instead of a victim.
Being a victim implies something external, circomstances, while when I know that I create my own reality, I can only be victim of myself. A truth that scares some people, as for myself it was very liberating: instead of living without a purpose, waiting what’d happen next, a world of coincidences and lucks, I chose my life, I know where I’m going, who I am and who I want to be! I’m not a puppet, nor a victim of society.
So no I don't enjoy "commiserating with other “victims" because I can't feel sorry for them, it's kinda upsetting and I believe my time and energy is more worth it. Actually that's why I stopped being a social worker, and I'm sure I'm doing more good to the world this way, and to myself of course 😉
Hello Randy,
I totally agree with the whole idea. Being a victim to others means that, in some part of your mind, you don't feel you deserve all the best and only the best.
Some days ago I asked myself why I was getting the same results, even when I changed a lot of things related to my mindset and worked every day to feel better. Now I know that this is one of the reasons. I usually talk about my problems with my friends. Since I am in a difficult situation, they are interested in knowing about the "news" and ask me for details... and all I get of this is amplifying the mindset of being a victim. So, all the effort I put on allowing prosperity -or a considerable part of it- is thrown away.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention, I have more tools to work with from now on :).
"May the joy be with you"
Birds of a feather flock together. I ask people to tell me what they want NOT what they don't want or don't like. All too often it is "But you don't “... and I say, "Thank for sharing. Have a great day, you deserve it. Let’s talk again when you know what you want."
This is hard, especially in the beginning if your current flock is complainers, whiners, addicts and natter types. Humans love to gossip, tell negative stories about what they think they know, and the press is mostly that and eliminating this habit is job one. Find the flock of visionaries around you. Declare what you want out loud, in writing and picture it present and it will appear. This is about the ‘mustard seed’ stuff you only need a little of and the earth moves for you. Got some? Want sum?
Give me the courage to show others I have no tendency of victimhood-and I will thank you!How do I do it?How do I start at First?To know it is easy-to do it is more complicated-You have to let go all the fear and scariness seing the victims leave you one by one...sounds crazy I know but it IS difficult-especially when the visionaires seems so far away...
Randy,
I do not understand why people enjoy doing this, but as the saying goes, "Misery loves company."
Whenever I am faced with this situation, I always ask the person complaining, "What are YOU going to do about it?" They generally go into why someone or something should change, and then I repeat the question.
Most of the time the complaining stops because they actually come up with a possible solution that they can implement or they walk away from me. Either way, I win.
Keep up the great work!
Here's to Your LifetoSuccess,
John Clark
http://www.lifetosuccess.com
I'm not sue if my input is off the point again.. lol About the victim mentality, I never put mysel in that nor do I mingle with those who think they are victimized. It's just my nature, it seems.This doesn't mean that I think I am super capable and intelligent over everything... NO. Not at all. I naturally tend to push myself forward, perhaps ... maybe because I had had no help in any other ways, while living in the foreign land for such a long time including the language issue that I had to cope with from the scratch, coping with many facets of life all at once at the same time and all the time. But my keeping forward develped the skills or means to retain my survival value in my attitude with many situations and as I moved forward in that state of mind, before long strangely enough I had seen the light coming through from the other end of the tunnel almost every single time. It seems it has always been that way. ...Perhpas, this is how life is designed by the Creator.. I don't really know, to be honest. Again, this does not mean that I have overcome all things and have unrealistic brains, skills and self-sufficiency in myself and about everything. Another thing, perhaps... is my incurable optimism almost by birth (natural funny bones about me by birth, people say... lol).. along with many products that I had attained from such [?] unusual/different and perhaps difficult life.. (cos I believe we are the products of what we had come through)... I gradually got an attitude of 'Que sera, sera ～,Whatever will be, will be ～ Que sera, sera,' .. I don't necessarily hide nor reveal what is inside of me unless it is necessary, just being myself. When I'm approached or come to some situations or perhaps with people, I confront it and hit the core of an issue - as to 'why,' instead of working around it secretly or gossiping about things. Working around the situation or just talking (or gossiping)/or being wishy-washy about things, not having to really work toward solutions - as to why we're going through things - are in fact the sign of the weakness, not being able to confront with true issues of things in life. Once we pass this stage of being stagnant (incapable to confrontations) we are free... truly free being able to do almost anything. I am not really talking about the money issues/prosperity here but I believe it will be also led to the positive outcome which is part of the prosperity as well. I must say.. I truly enjoy your blog, Randy. Thanks to you and I appreciate your being there for us and for me. Love and hugs::: -saachi 🙂
To never even let the victim mentality posess you-that is something I admire.Some people have it natural and from a good life education
I'm not Mother Teresa, but be cold to the woes close people can not.
I am sure that people close to you - is a component part of you ... As hand, foot ... Cut - will become invalid!
Hello Randy,
Fairly new to your blog and absolutely love it. I think 1 point that is missing is that there are different levels to being a victim. I have always had a more active attitude however lately I have found that I'm taking it all to the next level.
As you may know, there's a huge mess in Europe now with the volcanic ash and that has made me realized (while reading your blog post at the same time) that there are different levels to this.
Let me explain. As soon as I heard that the airport I was leaving from "could be closed the next day" I immediatly started making phone calls and found out that there was a high risk of me not getting home if I would stick to my original plan. In the past I might have left it to that and would have made the most of it there and then. However this time I took action right away and got home earlier than planned in a somewhat smooth way. And I'm so happy I did if I look at the total chaos it has been today.
So where I would have still made the most of it all previously, I stepped it up and was actually ahead of a lot of people.
I'm sure there are other levels where I am still a victim and that 's part of the fun of getting better everyday.
So keep posting, it helps me move forward.
Kurt
I can completely understand the "little guy" mentality. I spent a lot of time there growing up, particularly as I struggled mightily with self-confidence. I think there's a sort of comfort in feeling something else is the problem, is more powerful than you.
As with a lot of change, I've grown into a different mindset because it was more painful to be a victim than to take control of my own life and choose the outcome myself.
That said, one way to get me riled up quickly is to tell me "it's __________'s fault." I have a particular student in my Anatomy/Physiology class that constantly says she has to have a "cheat sheet" or "answer bank" to pass the class. She grumbles about it every time something difficult comes up. It's too hard for her to get good grades because I refuse to change my testing style.
Yet she got an A on the first exam.
-RG,
I use to live in Victimhood. I have since moved to Winnersville.
It is much nicer here. I must admit that form time to time I drive through the old hood, but never stop.
-DJM
Like Douglas above, I too sometimes find myself "driving through the hood" before I even realize it! But less and less lately. I'm really embracing being self-sufficient and kind and loving towards others. I used to be so angry and bitter and hated my life, about once a month I'll have one of those days (LOL!), but for the most part I just don't go there. It isn't worth the price of the trip. And it keeps me sane. Thanks for all of your postings Randy, they really do help a person "think" about their position in life.
I have not checked in here for a while as I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are great quality so I guess I’ll add you back to my daily bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂