Great discussion going on last week’s posts about the importance of a congruent philosophy to live by. Now let’s take it the next step: your purpose.
I would suggest that your highest moral purpose is the pursuit of your own happiness. This of course is a foundational principle of Objectivism, the philosophy of Ayn Rand. She presented this viewpoint via fictional stories in her books “The Fountainhead” and “Atlas Shrugged.” And she detailed it more specifically in her non-fiction works like “The Virtue of Selfishness.”
Now talk to most anyone in the herd and they will tell you that selfishness is bad, even evil. They will start mouthing platitudes like “serving others,” “debt to society,” and “serving the greater good.” In fact, with most people, if you even suggest that you are even a little bit selfish, they will ridicule, scold or ostracize you.
You must make your happiness your main purpose in life. It is the only moral thing to do, because if not, it means that you are living for others, and don’t value yourself.
Now you’ve heard this in different contexts before…
Charity begins at home. You must get your own needs met. You have to love yourself before you can love another. Or to quote a character from “The Fountainhead,” “To say ‘I love you,’ one must first know how to use the word ‘I.’”
If you sacrifice your life for another – that is depravity. If you ask another to sacrifice his or her life for you – that is also depraved. And there is nothing more boring that depravity.
Now why do I call it depravity? Because depravity is moral corruption, and nothing is more corrupting to your morals than sacrificing your own esteem, value and worth to another.
Take the abused wife. She sits home all day, cooking and cleaning for her husband. He belittles her when they are alone, and ridicules her in front of friends. Her opinions are irrelevant to him, so she stops even expressing them, content only to nod along with his bombastic and ridiculous statements. She completely gives up on her dreams, and spends her life trying to please him. (Which of course she can never do.)
Could there be anything more corrupting to a human being? I think not. Now let’s suppose she put her own happiness first...
Well we know Mr. Wonderful would be out on his ass in about two minutes. She would only date men who treated her with respect. She would respect herself. She would take better care of her health, dress better, and carry herself with more confidence. She would educate herself or get some kind of training so she could support herself. Maybe she’d open up a business. I could go on, but you get the picture.
Two completely different scenarios, right?
In the first scenario, who can the women help? No one. Including herself. But in scenario number two, she helps a lot of people…
First, believe it or not, she would help Mr. Wonderful by throwing him out. He would start to get the message that he can’t treat others without respect, and that dysfunctional behavior is not rewarded. She could also hold a job or start a business and contribute to the economy and the prosperity of others. And what about if there were kids involved?
Imagine what horrible programming they would get in the first scenario. In scenario number two she could really help those kids, set a healthy example and help them create a real life for themselves. It is only when you take care of yourself first that you are a productive member of society.
Please share your thoughts below. I’m on the way to Korea, so I’ll be offline a while, but will check in on the other side.
-RG
Prosperity TV
Very true. I have recently created a vacuum and cut all the toxic people out of my life (people I loved very much but who only loved me if I was struggling and hated me when I wasn't). I kept doing the success - poverty yoyo just to keep with their perception of me. And they loved when I came back to their victim circle.
It was very hard to let them go and still is but I feel free to become who I am meant to be. I only let people into my life now who want the best for me and I want the best for them. Now I can fulfil my true purpose and only be with people who want to help each other without the control dramas.
It really is true that we treat ourselves in direct proportion to how valuable we think we are. When we value ourselves we begin to value others and don't need to fight with them.
Great post
Thanks Randy
Since the mind works with words, pictures and images one must define the word happiness in their own mind first. Without a defintion it will not be attracted to you. Dr. Hyatt spend 60 years studying happiness and his defintion was - "Doing your own thing in the interest of others."
We talk about happiness without a defintion we are just assuming our communication between others.
Try this defintion and you will attract "Happiness."
Oh Randy you are so right, but until I came across you and your philosophy I would have never agreed. You make your points and explain things so well it really opens my mind to realize that most of my life I just excepted many things on the surface without much thought.
Thank you and keep it coming.
I read all Ayn Rand's books years ago, and they opened my mind.
From an abusive and poverty-stricken childhood, I had a pretty low self image, but her works, which I found when I was an university student, showed me that blaming someone else for the problems in my life was self-defeating, and that I'd better get over it, and learn to value myself.
It didn't happen overnight, because some of those beliefs we are saddled with (or saddle ourselves with) are difficult to overcome.
“To say ‘I love you,’ one must first know how to use the word I." - wow what a strong statement, and so true! Those 'I am' statements we make had better be real and positive, showing self-love and self-awareness and self-responsibility.
Thanks again
Great post Randy!
Most find it easier, for some reason, to try and get others to change in order to make themselves happy and they never end up being happy no matter how things around them change.
The key is to be happy with what you have while in pursuit of what you desire. This is true gratitude.
Keep up the great work!
Here's to Your LifetoSuccess,
John Clark
http://www.lifetosuccess.com
Randy,
How many people do you know that are depressed, discontent, & just down right dreary to be around? I have never been an opponent of depression. Being depressed to me is an extremely selfish,self-centered state of mind. While your discussion isn't on the topic of depression, people who are unhappy with themselves usually begin a downward spiral into this state.
I don't have anything to offer anyone. Nope, not one thing if I'm not happy about myself, reflecting-- where I am no longer, where I currently am, & especially where I project I will be. If I do not possess hope for myself, how can I direct the flow of hope/ happiness to others?
While I believe you find joy in helping others and I do serve many, I do so b/c I know in my heart and believe it is by doing so that brings me happiness. Make sense? It feeds my "happy tank"
The apostle Paul says it best. (my paraphrase) I have been abased & abound, but I learned to be content in whatever state I am in. He also spoke, while bound with chains, facing the king....."I think myself happy."
Happiness is a choice. I choose to be happy just as I choose to avoid the toxic people in my life. I refuse to have their bitter poison permeate & diffuse my joy.
Thanks RG-
G
I agree with the idea that pursuing your own happiness is not selfish, however, I believe that helping others is one of the greatest ways to feel happy. Scientist have actually prooven that doing kind deeds for others naturally raises your seretonin levels. I once heard a story about the difference between heaven and hell. In hell there was a banquet of food, all you can eat, delishous food but everyone there was starving because they only had 4 foot forks to eat with (and obviously, couldn't get it into their mouths). Heaven was the same banquet of food and 4 foot forks but there nobody was starving...why? Because they were feeding each other. Again I stress the point that we are all one and while you certainly should not deprive yourself, you must consider helping others, since it truly is helping yourself.
Hi Jane, you wrote: "I agree with the idea that pursuing your own happiness is not selfish, however, I believe that helping others is one of the greatest ways to feel happy."
---
Two comments, if I may: One is that, actually, he IS saying that it is selfish. He is also saying that - in the "Randian" context (as well as, I guess, the "Randy Gageian"context) 🙂 he is using it - selfishness is a good thing. In order to understand that, Jane, you've got to shift your paradigm a bit and look at what he means by the term, "selfishness." If you read the article again with that in mind, I think you'll see it.
Secondly, Jane, a really cool thing is that your qualifier, "however" isn't even necessary. There is no natural division between helping others and helping yourself. And, if you are helping others because you know it is "one of the greatest ways to feel happy"...then that is rather "selfish" in and of itself. And, that's fine. As long as what you are doing is in alignment with the principles you hold to be of value, you are on the right track. 🙂
Thanks dude, I was hoping you'd check in on all this at some point.
-RG
I realy love it, to live just for myself and I really love it to have alot of friends too, so sometimes I do something for the others that make me in trouble, waste my time and bla.. bla..bla
but it's ok, because I learn a lot of things and try to have a better life.
so maybe you think it means sometimes I don't live for myself ,
I think it's a nice point that the real relations are the only that let us to live for ourself ?and usually there are not that many people to have this kind of thinks and it's a long story.
life is wonderfull and I love to experience it and feel it every moment.
thank u Randy, you are the best.
I totally agree with you RG, I first came to realise that there was something wrong with "self-sacrifice" some years ago when I worked for a newspaper (for my sins, LOL) and I was just beginning to learn about the Law of Attraction etc. We were always doing stories about people who were "taken before their time", most of them by the big c. All of them had given their lives "selflessly" to others, thereby greatly undervaluing themselves. What message did that give the universe aka their higher self? It was an eye opener for me.
I could give another example, more close to home, but I'll keep it for another time. 🙂
Have a great trip
Jean
That's an important message for women. I shall spread it!
Yes Happiness is my purpose! What else could it be, and truly - it cannot come in the expense of others... such thing could not be called happiness then.
I have couple terrific teachers around for that lesson, who are constantly trying to make me feel guilty about being me and even being in good mood or walking outside or .... I have always been keen to watch my emotions regarding to that. How far I've come! It's astonishing. I would have never got that far so fast if it wasn't for them, so thanks. They are still them but I'm transformed form this experience, what a blessing. And now for some 'coincidence' I don't have too much contact with them anymore. And they have to keep living with themselves...
Happiness is really a choice we make in this very moment... isn't that wonderful!
Thank you Randy for keeping us sharp, it's such a pleasure to know you!
I've been away and finally found some time to log in. One of my pleasures now is to log in here and read what you have to say for your new topic.
I agree with you, Randy, that our highest moral purpose should be the pursuit of our own happiness. It does sound selfish first, doesn't it, but it is not. If we are truly happy within, feeling genuinly good about ourselves with a good self esteem, then we naturally want to extend ourselves and reach out to others in love because I think making others happy is a bi-product of our genuine happiness within. It is just that simple. It is a natural human nature - how God created us to be. So, if you aren't happy, you sure can't make someone else happy, really.. unless that someone is a rare individual who is absolutely and neurotically sick who wants other people to be unhappy. I'm careless about whether those people in the herd think or say that selfishness is bad, evil, and all that, but the point is that..are we really happy..truthfully, and if we are, then our natural tendency to extend to others may not be phrased as 'sacrificing ourselves' because it just comes natural, and that we just want to do things for others. Going back to the 'sacrificial' term, if we simply sacrifice our lives, our value or esteem to another without really knowing why we're doing it, it loses it's meaning/purposes, and thus we're just miserable people (you might call it as people who are enslaved to total inability or depravity) who never understands the value of ourselves - who we really are.. and why we're here. In one of your blogs way back, Randy, you talked about the quote book that you received for your birthday (your birthday is coming up soon... ) and one of the quotes read something like 'try to make one person happy everyday, then you would make 365x10 people happy in ten years,' and you went on saying, 'how about trying to make at least one person happy today - 'You (us).' I agree with you, absolutely. Again, if we're honestly happy within, everything falls into place and is taken care of.. for ourselves as well as for others. The pursuit of our own happiness, as a result, would naturally radiate in our speech even in one-to-one communications with others, not appearing in cold and impersonal systematic ways like a robot, as seen with some people. Saachi's today's mumbling is over.. Sorry about this lengthy comment..I'm a bit embarrassed again by it. I will try not to write a comment for a while and hide from the world. lol 🙂 ahg-saachi
I like your comment:
"When we value ourselves we begin to value others and don’t need to fight with them. "
Well spoken!
Yes Happiness is my purpose! What else could it be, and truly – it cannot come in the expense of others…
That's a nice way to put it, Mari!
You made me think: I'm not sure it's possible to NEVER be happy at the expense of others. However, it is much much more forgivable than being MISERABLE at the expense of others.
I'm going through a divorce, and as well as I'm handling all these huge changes in my life, there's times I still need help from others. I was told that people don't mind helping me, because I always come improved and smiling on the other side. And they know I'll always either pay it back or pay it forward.
Another word for happiness is...confidence?? Maybe happiness breeds confidence??
OK, I made a comment earlier, but I was uncaffeinated, and therefore somewhat discombobulated. Here's what I was trying to get to:
My ex is one of those deeply miserable people. He's like a big vortex or energy-sucking unhappiness...no matter what he accumulates, or accomplishes, it never makes him happy. THIS would seem to be the ultimate definition of "negative selfishness". What a waste!
Let's face it: everything that we do or have is on the backs of others, it's inevitable. But it's a disservice to those backs when endless unhappiness is all they see as a result of their efforts. I don't use the word "sin" ever, but I'm using it now.
Maybe happiness is...grace?
"It is only when you take care of yourself first that you are a productive member of society." - very well-said, Randy!
I am coming from very original Oriental society with very original Asian, kinda so-called Islamic mentality. Here 95% of females sacrifice their self-esteem, their dreams and purposes to the men-society and men happiness.
I was and am against this way of life since many years. Still I am one of the very few females among. Today at my 28yo, these society-men say I am very old now to feel and live happy family life, which shows their too-lowness and ignorance abt real happiness.
Today i so much wished if those female-sisters here, men on the top and head of families should also read and understand these brilliant words of yours...
Thank you from deep inside of my heart!
Spot on, spot on, spot on, Randy. Happiness, wealth and riches cannot begin unless started "inside" first. Too many people look outside for their happiness, when it has been with them all along! They just cannot see it!
Tom Larsen
Randy, you and the Dalai Lama are in agreement;
"I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear." -from The Art of Happiness, by His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C Cutler, MD
OK Randy, now, can you please switch the satellite transmissions to your message here instead of "resistance is futile - you will be assimilated" etc.
As you know, neither the Star Trek nor the Matrix movies etc. are movies, but documentaries. And by the way, the same goes for "V".
Thank you Michele!
Now you made me think too... I like this - happy at the expense of others and you added if it's possible NEVER to have it.
Wonder what that looks like actually?
If someone is miserable and depressed and you are happy because it has become part of your lifestyle... it could be their take on it - look she is happy at my expense! Can't she see how miserable I am! Life's not fare! etc...
It seems to me that those two things are not compatible if you start to think of it ... happy at the expense of something - it is just not possible, for happiness is something we have inside and nurture and grow and feel... so how anyone else has anything to do with it? Some people or events may bring it up - but that does not take it away from some else! It's within us, and on too many occasions we look for outside reasons to bring it up... how about being happy without a reason, for we own it, it's ours not for someone to give or take...
Have a peace with the process taking fold in your life right now and I wish all those things to pop up on your way, to remind you, of this abundance of happiness you are carrying inside...
I have been through this. In four years I felt my self dissappear and when I finally ended it it took me long time to even be able to have a connection with people in a normal way again.Thank you for your words-Wish I read them 5 years ago BUT-I learned something:There is always hope, you can always come back, there is always something you can do to resque yourself.DON´T GIVE UP all the struggling wonderful women out there-I pray for you to make a decision!
Your observations are so true, Randy. I've been talking with my clients about becoming Self-ish for years. Our ability to give to others is directly proportional to our ability to give to our Selves. And we must value Self in order for anything else to happen.
In my experience, I find that people frequently need to go on a form of 'archaeological dig' in order to find who they authentically are under those layers and layers of social conditioning. But for those who are up for it, it can be an incredibly rewarding experience.
Thanks for taking on this important topic.
Gwen McCauley
You are on the right path!
-RG
LOL.
-RG
Yes you can always come back!
-RG
Glad to hear it's your 'ex' 🙂
Totally believe in the Virtue of Selfishness and the imperative of happiness but by your analogy Mother Teresa or Gandhi would be considered depraved and by default unhappy; even though they practiced the virtue of selfishness. I have always seen happiness as an inevitable consequence to having and living by a “congruent philosophy”. In my opinion prosperity comes from following your passion in life. Bill Gates and Gandhi both followed there life’s passions – each attained remarkable success [prosperity?]. There is little doubt that each must have had a “congruent philosophy” on life to recognize their passion and have the courage to live it. If asked, I am sure each would consider themselves very happy.
The wisdom is in the title 'Making Happiness Your Purpose", once you've decided it's a done deal...